I hate winter, the toilet water becomes too cold for my penis

Bro I’m like 2 inches and it happens to me on occasion

while it may be counterintuitive, you actually should not violently dismember a part of your body

Hmm a DIY version is preferable, you won't be in a situation to visit a hospital each time you want a body part removed. What if you're the middle of something else and can't find time for proper surgery.

Or the tip touches the toilet water

Because taking a shit is like telling your penis to fire at will.

The higher you hover, the taller the splash.

I was just like you for the first 30 years of my life, and then I realized that all I gotta do is wet two paper towels, put soap on one of them, and use them to clean the seat before I sit down. That small realization completely changed my life for the better, and now I no longer have to wait until I get home to poop.

(That said, 30 years of holding in your shit has consequences. It takes me from 20 minutes up to an hour to poop before I can get it all out. Needless to say, this had caused issues for me in the workplace. Yes I've already started adding fiber to my diet. And before you ask: no I don't flush the towels. I toss them in the trash can then head back to the stall to do my business.)

Good thinking. You never know who might have been doing cocaine off of those things