There's a book called "Come as you are" by Emily Nagoski that while geared for cis women (talks about vaginas), explains that there is a mental part to orgasms and 'enjoying' sex. There are certain triggers for turn-ons and turn-offs like a gas pedal and brakes. I don't think you are broken, just having a hard time in life. Pelvic floor therapy ended up helping me along with the book and therapy, maybe there is a combo for you too. Please hang in there ❤️

Being kind go yourself will go a long way towards making things better. I'm unable to cum unless everything is just right and I feel safe. It seems like you're fighting to figure stuff out and so you will. Compassion for your own struggle will help it go more smoothly.

For me post HRT, more of my arousal was mental and required more sensual touches, foreplay and buildup. With direct genital or anal contact, I'd usually get tired or sore before I would orgasm. I've also found that there's a lot more depth to a full body orgasm, and that it can, but doesn't have to involve me cumming in the traditional sense.

saving this because ive felt the same way since like, forever...

i sadly dont have any advice but hopefully other people do 🫂

Hay. Maybe it helps, maybe it doesn't.

I used to go for cumming as well. Now I just enjoy the ride. It takes 30min or an hour to cum? That's fine. It's more time I could enjoy myself. I found it liberating to focus more on the journey rather than the finish. It also made me capable of finishing more and more frequent (not that I recommend my 4-8h journeys)

Imho, nothing broken.

I had a while when I couldn't orgasm. In fact, I rarely cum from someone else's touch even though I prefer it to my own. I have had these feelings and I don't know how to solve the problem.

I'll give some advice that helped me and my partner, with the exact same issue. I have no problem orgasming, but my partner struggles. We have found that focusing on the most gender euphoric parts helps her finish, in her case it's gently playing with her boobs while she's topping, which allows her to focus on that rather than the other physical sensations. Penetration, while not a negative experience for her, in fact she very much enjoys topping, still isn't the most important part of sex for her. This advice might not be relevant to you if topping is very euphoric for you, but focus on the parts of sex that are most euphoric. Fulfilling each other's kinks also helps us!

As a straight guy, I will have you know that i also had this issue in a particularly stressful anxious depressing time of my life. Stress can do that for sure.

I just want you to know I'm having the same issue. May I ask how long you've been on hrt?

Try not making it sexual! Turning special private time into a pagan ritual helped me. Visualizing and feeling myself alone before civilization in a place of deep connection to nature and our Earth, with my body as sacred and my pleasure as an energy that binds me and all of life together making us possible. Like, ours is a universe that lifes, and I'm connecting to it through pleasure. That sort of thing!