I was kind of excited to learn that AuDHD was a thing, because I've failed both the autism test and the ADHD test, but the reality is that it is not a thing. The only thing that changed was you can be both fully autistic spectrum and fully ADHD. There's no official hybrid category to straddle the two.

It's a bummer for me because I think AuDHD perfectly explains everything that is horribly wrong in my life, mostly around work: I don't get along with coworkers, so I never get promoted and often I get fired. I see a problem, I point it out. I'm honest even during job interviews, which are very stressful.

On the attention side, I don't really do well with repetitive tasks. If I can listen to podcasts all day, I'm OK, but if it's just staring at a counter waiting for customers to come in, that's pretty hellish. I also don't have much in the way of special interests. Every once in a while, the fever will take me and I'll learn programming or kayak-building or instrument-making or instrument-playing or languages, but the drive to really crank that is more typical of autism is lacking, so when I'm faced with long periods of time, I do very little (averaging 30 comments/day for the last 5 months!). And during that long period, I sometimes pick up career books about "finding your passion," but I mostly put them down pretty quickly.

I've been unemployed for 3 months. I'm afraid to apply for jobs, not just because of the rejection, but because I'll be getting back on this treadmill of unbearable jobs where I will eventually fail, will make no friends, will garner no references.

I hate going to the mental healthcare system, which has done absolutely nothing to resolve or even acknowledge the root cause or even the root problem. I've been called very intelligent and promising and capable. I've also been saddled with harmful diagnoses like bipolar and put on meds which make me lose what little contact I have with my emotional world.

Just to put this into context: I'm over 50 years old and this is the same exact problem I had in high school and college and ever since, just a real inability to figure out what I want to do, even in my own spare time. And it's the source of everything else. I need to work to live, and if working is difficult, it is obviously hard to live, and that will obviously have an impact on my mood. "Great," says the useless mental health system, "mood is something we can easily diagnose and medicate!"

Yet, if that is the core problem, there really isn't any treatment for it, but at least a diagnosis would open up some benefits (and maybe a free train ride to a Kennedy-run camp in the future), but that is probably beyond my reach.

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[–] 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

Nobody neurotypical wonders if they're neurodivergent. If you feel like things are a struggle, they are!

Doctor shopping is when you purposefully skirt the laws around prescription drugs to get more than you should be safely consuming. It's not when you need a second opinion, or even a twentieth opinion.

I get you, from what you have described to me, I would highly recommend seeking a diagnosis from someone who is trained up to current standards. I feel like you have expressed enough sensory struggles and life hurdles that qualify for a diagnosis.

There's a lot of propaganda going around and it's hard not to fall for some of it. A diagnosis helps you understand all the factors that might effect you, assess how much they're effecting you and adjust your life accordingly to be able to live a better life. Imaging if this same argument and gatekeeping and invalidation propaganda went on for people with amputations or obvious physical disabilities, it would look ridiculous, it should look ridiculous for the people who try and minimise what it's like living with an invisible disability.

It's incredibly hard to step back and see the forest for the trees, it's hard to see what's effecting your life, when it's always been like this, you can't step outside your life and have a look at it from afar, and you acclimatise to what you're living with so things might even be impacting you more than you realise! And that's where you need a good currently, and up to date trained professional to help you sort through it all. Doctors are just people, they're just as fallible as people can be. You have to find a person who fits your needs.

Neurotypicals don't struggle with the things you have described. They just don't. Not just tags in shirts, (they don't bother me, they don't bother my grandson who's diagnosed asd level 3) it's if your senses are turned up too high. Do your socks bother you, are you picky about fabric you can stand or not stand, do you struggle with certain waist bands, or shirt cuffs or length of sleeve, you could probably fill in some more. How are you with towels, they get to me, I can't stand them! I still use them, but it's hell.

There's so many things that aren't on the diagnostic standards that will be in 10 years, even.

The reason there's a flood of people getting late stage diagnosis now, is because they've finally acknowledged you don't "grow out of" autism and adhd, and they're recognising parts of the conditions, that have always been there, that excluded all the people in levels 2 and 1, who are now currently recognised. It's worth it at any stage.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 week ago

    Thanks for the detailed reply!

    To me it sounds like you're mixing up diagnoses and treatment, and diagnosis is the pathway to treatment. But I can also just find therapists who work with this population and self-declare and ask to be treated as-if (oh, and put me down for depression and anxiety, I guess). And I can also do my own reading/reflection. Someone mentioned PDA/RSD yesterday and that was tremendously helpful.

    I'm just bringing it up in case I can't find someone to diagnose me; I don't want to be waiting around on that before I start making changes/doing research.

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