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Going opposite directions at night, what should men do if approaching a woman? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 2 months ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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Scenario: It's night, and a man is walking home. He sees ahead there is a woman going in the opposite direction as him. Knowing not to stop or approach her, but his presence makes her nervous. What would help further in this scenario if anything?

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[–] 115 points 2 months ago (15 children)

As a woman, seriously, just give me the bro nod to acknowledge that I exist but am not that interesting to you and keep walking. If you go out of your way to show that you aren't a threat now I'm thinking you're a threat, and if you pointedly ignore me now I'm wondering if you are actually far more interested in me than you should be but you want me not to notice.

Brief eye contact while acknowledging that I exist tells me you aren't afraid of me remembering your face but that you aren't being weird and staring or trying to hide from me.

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  • [–] 10 points 2 months ago (3 children)

    I like to have a smile as well. If I give the nod or even a cursory "hello" I try to have my body language say that I in no way expect or need any sort of response or acknowledgement.

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  • [–] 5 points 2 months ago (2 children)

    I'd go with "Evening" over "Hello". The latter signals that you're trying to initiate a conversation, the former is just friendly acknowledgement.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 months ago (1 child)

    I feel this is exactly what OP and others fear. Trying to optimize the best way to pass someone without being creepy or threatening. It can be maddening. Like, I see your point, but how far down that rabbit hole can we go? It's exhausting trying to not be weird which is ultimately weird itself.

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  • [+] 7 points 2 months ago (9 children)
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  • [–] 28 points 2 months ago (6 children)

    Definitely a down nod. An up nod indicates that you want their attention.

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  • [–] 12 points 2 months ago (1 child)

    See maybe it's my part of the world, but I've always seen guys use an up nod as sort of a "yo, 'sup fellow human" , and a down nod as a "hello there". The up nod just has a subtly more chill bro feel to it, but either is fine lol.

    Now I need to go poll some guys.

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  • [–] 11 points 2 months ago

    I think there is a cultural thing around nods. I would definitely not recommend, in this situation, doing a nod that does not feel natural to you, so either do whatever nod you can actually pull off casually, or skip the nod.

    There is also a locale specificity... Where I live, people don't usually nod or otherwise acknowledge strangers on the street. Some places you might be expected to smile and nod or even say hi.

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  • [–] 1 point 2 months ago

    I have always read it as down nod is for acknowledging someone you don't know/ know very well, and up nod is for people you know. The idea being you nod down to cover your vital neck while also making eye contact, in a sorta "I see/I am watching you if you try something". Up nod reveals the neck, showing trust and comfortability.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 months ago

    Bro nod and a howdy or evenin' are what I usually go with. I am usually walking with my husband though (we are both dudes) and my guy is scary-looking so if someone (man, woman or other) crosses to avoid us I fully understand and respect the situational awareness.

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