364
Me_irl (lemmy.zip)
submitted 4 months ago by to c/me_irl@lemmy.world
74 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] 55 points 4 months ago (21 children)

Yeah, at a certain point, you can continue to blame them, but the responsibility to fix it ultimately falls on you regardless. Go ahead and blame them, but don’t use it as an excuse to not work on yourself and improve.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 21 child comments
    •
  • [–] 31 points 4 months ago (15 children)

    Like most difficulties in life, be it trauma, neurodivergance, or any number of other issues; they're explanations, not excuses.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 15 child comments
    •
  • [–] 8 points 4 months ago (2 children)

    Blame is a mechanism specifically designed to absolve oneself of responsibility. "Hey, I just wanted to let everyone know this fucked up thing I do is because my mom didn't tie my shoelaces properly.". The people affected by your actions don't need to know why you do this fucked up thing, they just want you to stop doing it to them.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] 9 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    It can be, and is often used that way, but it doesn't have to be.

    And, generally, knowing the root causes of problems helps in best figuring out how to fix them.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
    •
  • [–] 5 points 4 months ago

    My therapist mentioned its 80% awareness, 20% adding effective skills. But it can take a long ass time to rewire the engrained habits with new neuropathways habitually remembering and applying effective skills

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • [–] 9 points 4 months ago (11 children)

    Much like mental illness. Your depression doesn't stop you from working out or going for a walk, but it might make it really really hard to start. You can use that as an excuse and never start or you can acknowledge this is why you never want to start. You just have to do it, or rely on someone to get you to do it like a good friend or partner.

    If you let depression stop you from walking you'll never walk and get the benefits from it which could help you beat or mitigate depression. Maybe after 2 years of daily walks you won't be depression free, but its almost guaranteed you'll be doing better.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 11 child comments
    •
  • [–] 9 points 4 months ago (9 children)

    Or you can just die which depression sometimes leads to -- like it's a disease. How come some people survive cancer and some don't? The disease is different for each person. Same with depression.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 9 child comments
    •
  • [–] -5 points 4 months ago (8 children)

    Not doing things like walking or other things that have been proven good for mental health when you have depression is akin to not getting treatment for cancer. Some people still die from cancer while on treatments, but a lot more of them survive than the ones that don't attempt treatment.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 8 child comments
    •
  • [–] 6 points 4 months ago* (7 children)

    Yes but you're missing the fact that some people with sever depression just can't make their bodies go for a walk the same way someone with a severe cancer diagnosis might not be able to just make their body go for a walk.

    Depression fucks with your brain such that you dont think it makes sense to do something that is good for you, if it was that simple nobody would ever hurt themselves, but they have a disease that messes with their brains' ability to think clearly.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 7 child comments
    •
  • [–] -1 points 4 months ago (6 children)

    I get what you guys are saying, but at some point you got to do something. If depression makes you just sit around staring at a wall for 2 years, I get it. Explanation.

    If you do it for 10 years however, you're really just saying "I can't. I'm depressed." Excuse.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 6 child comments
    •
  • [–] 1 point 4 months ago* (4 children)

    No at some point you dont got to anything, you can just die from your disease. Would you tell someone dying of cancer they should have just tried harder?

    Like why do you get a 2 year depression but you dont get a 10 year depression? What do you know about the disease that it makes sense to you to last two years but not ten years??

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 4 child comments
    •
  • [–] 1 point 4 months ago (1 child)

    It's not like you're gonna drop dead if you try to take a walk. And if you have cancer you do chemo, right? You don't just sit down and go "welp, guess I'm gonna die".

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
    •
  • [–] 4 points 4 months ago

    Or, better yet, rather than blaming, realize they are flawed like all people, and that they accidentally or purposefully instilled some bad qualities in you - the sort all people have.

    Be mindful of the origin of those bad qualities and how you have acted over the years to reinforce them. Then, knowing the origin of your bad behaviors and ways of thinking, you can improve.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
    • load more comments (1 reply)