31
how are you referred to by others (e.g. "buddy", "friend", "ladies", "dear", etc.)? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 7 months ago by to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
27 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

I have a friend who lives on the West coast of the US who refers to me as "buddy" a lot, and I don't mention it, but it gives me the ick (she knew me pre-transition). I think she just uses it like a gender-neutral word for anyone (the way "dude" and "bro" ca be used sometimes), but I'm triggered, lol 😅

In public / with people who never knew me before transition, people will often refer to me and whoever I'm with (they're usually women) as "ladies" (ironically my sister-in-law hates how often she is called "ladies" when she's around me, lol).

On the phone or individually people often refer to me as "dear". In the South, I got a lot more "sweetie", "honey", and even "sweet girl" and "good girl".

What have your experiences been like (before, during, and after transition)?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] 5 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (9 children)

since i live in germany, i don't get any of these very often. it's quite unkommon to use such phrases to adress someone in german. at least in my circles. if you'd approach a friend of yours with "mein*e freund*in" (my friend), they'd probably ask you what tf you want of them. it's not really casual. "bro" is in use but mainly with younger people?

some of my queer friends use "girl" or "diva" for me tho. if speaking english. outside of that specific context "diva" would be a bit of an insult in german. :)

i am still amused about people at work standing in the frame of my office door, asking me for Mr. Soandso. i then smile at them and say "yes come in. that's me." if people don't get visibly confused, i don't feel very misgendered, bc i am playing a role. and when they are it's just super affirming. they are criticizing my performance but affirming my gender. :)))) (need to make it official soon, yeah.)

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • hideshow 9 child comments
    •
  • [–] [S] 3 points 7 months ago (8 children)

    ja, when people are confused by how you look or can't see a many anymore, you should make it official soon 😅

    In Germany aren't professional titles quite common, like "Herr Doktor Professor" kind of stuff? Or is that just in a limited context of a workplace or particular job?

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 8 child comments
    •
  • [–] 4 points 7 months ago (6 children)

    i guess in medicine and law that's still in. :)

    The traditional and formal way would be to address someone as "Professor/in Müller" or "Herr/Frau Doktor Müller" but lately no one knows anymore and everyone makes backflips adding in all the titles and honorifics, when trying to be formal, resulting in "Herr/Frau Professor Doktor Müller" or the like. esp. in medicine people will be upset if you dropped the title.

    i just used Herr or Frau + Surname (mr./ms.) for my teachers in uni (that was in the humanities). in science and tech people would just call each other by their first names afaik. (note all of these are tendencies)

    but a lot of these gendered and neutral words that are used in english quite often have no good equivalent in german, i think. if talking to someone casually, we do not usually call them a lot by words, that illustrate our relationship. (like bro, bestie, girrrrrrrl, son, ...) in greetings/openings it's the name plus maybe horifics and titles. there exist some like "young man", "my friend" (usually male) or "lady" ..., yeah, but i feel this is what old people or vendors use. i cringe at them. ;)

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 6 child comments
    •
  • [–] [S] 3 points 7 months ago* (5 children)

    yeah, I'm familiar with the way "Jungs" is used, for example. Can't think of a direct female-equivalent, but I'm not native 🤔

    Makes sense that it's mostly formal titles. I think I learned about this mostly in the context of navigating university bureaucracy from the perspective of a professor.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 5 child comments
    •
  • [–] 3 points 7 months ago (2 children)

    Technically (the best kind of correct), the female equivalent for Jungs would be Mädels, but it's hard to get right.

    I'd only use it for a group of girls I'm a part of, and have only heard it used that way. Imagine: "Ich treffe mich heute mit meinen Mädels". (eng.: "I'm going to meet up with my girls.").
    I hope this translates well enough to convey my impression that if somebody else uses it, it's inappropriately close language for somebody they may not know that good.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] [S] 3 points 7 months ago (1 child)

    yeah, I think that comes across - "Jungs" also feels weirdly intimate / familiar, like "my bros" or something, or "my boys" ...

    Thanks for introducing me to Mädels, it's really helpful to actually talk to someone familiar with the language - I always struggle in my adoption of German because of lack of social context and use. It has really declined over the last 5 years, I'm afraid, I have probably slipped from a B-1 to more like an A-2 level or less 😞

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
    •
  • [–] 3 points 7 months ago

    yeah, I think that comes across - “Jungs” also feels weirdly intimate / familiar, like “my bros” or something, or “my boys” …

    Yes, I agree. I've actually only ever encountered it in family situations, like when somebody has multiple male kids, or in school.

    Thanks for introducing me to Mädels, it’s really helpful to actually talk to someone familiar with the language

    It's my pleasure, I'd happily offer my services as a native speaker. I fear that the same is happening to the French I learned until I finished high school.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • [–] 2 points 7 months ago (1 child)

    oh yeah i forgot "jungs" exists. i associate it with sports and other heavily homosocial contexts. female equivalent would be "mädels". i guess "mädels" is gaining acceptance? hm.

    i hate both. i may not be the most representative speaker of german. if i had something to say everyone would be addressed with just "hey" or "ummm", depending on if you gonna ask a question. (for all the languages) 😆

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
    •
  • [–] [S] 1 point 7 months ago

    I found myself very avoidant of gendered language when I was pre-transition, but once I transitioned it was a complete 180 - now I recognize how important and affirming gender can be, so I'm a big fan of gendered language (when used appropriately, obvi).

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • [–] 2 points 7 months ago

    Other commenter already noted workplace tendencies, I would like to expand on other parts of life:

    Most institutions/corporations insist on you picking a title, though some offer neutral options.

    For people you know, it'd be awkward to always adress them at full length, first name is usually enough. This is especially fun whenever you try to greet someone formally when you have just had a nice chat with them about the weekend.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent