Yeah, HRT won't fix you. That's true. It's not magic even though people keep saying that. I feel like for me what HRT did was give me something to fight and hope for. It gave me something on the horizon to work toward. Your mindset sounds an awful lot like mine before transition. I also went on HRT as a kind of last resort thing and slowly but surely, optimism came into my life. I realized I could customize my body. I could put in work to make my life better, to like myself for the first time ever.

Changes came, but HRT wasn't the majority of it. The biggest changes were those I made motivated by the hope of being a girl some day. I didn't believe it back then, but it came true anyway. I'm not even two years in and yet I'm still further along than I ever thought I could get.

And I feel your physical struggles, I truly do. I felt so ugly before transition, went to the gym, still looked like a stick. Couldn't gain weight for the life of me (I still can't, which still frustrates me). I thought I'd never pass, that no one would ever honestly think I'm beautiful. And you know what? I was fucking wrong. It took me a long time to realize and I really fought it because I couldn't believe it when people told me I looked good a few months in. And even now, when people compliment my looks I often think they do it out of pity. But they don't. I turned out pretty. I'm actually hot, which is still unbelievable to me. But turns out self love, confidence and good fashion sense go a long way. And a nose job lol. (I always wanted one and HRT gave me the guts to just do it!)

So keep fighting, babe. Keep going. It's going to get better, I swear. Give hormones a year or two. Try to make the best of this life, you've only got the one.