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Please help me under stand my spouse's gift and their hurt (lemmy.zip)
submitted 11 months ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I've never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It's sentimental.

I don't like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It's perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don't like new things.

We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?

We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I'm not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don't like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?

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[–] 38 points 11 months ago (7 children)

They want to improve your life by giving you something which is not broken and assumedly works better than whatever you’re using now. You are rejecting that because of your insistence that things must be old. They know you will never get it for yourself, and maybe they think you’re just being cheap. It probably hurts them seeing you use what to them looks like a piece of crap. It’s really hard to say without knowing what the actual items involved are In just speculating.

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  • [–] 16 points 11 months ago

    Knocking onto this, it could also stem from the fact that they'd like a bit more of OPs time. A new item means(presumably) less time trouble shooting and repairing, more efficient use, and less time having to correct the items mistakes. That additional time is some of what they are lamenting not being able to get.

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  • [–] 5 points 11 months ago

    It's not so much an insistence that things be old. I love refurbishing old things and making them work for me. Just cooked breakfast on a pan my wife and I found in the trash! I treasure items like that more than something I merely threw money at.

    For example; I could have a laugh with a friend: "Check out this brand new pan we found in the garbage!" Vs. "Yeah, I went to Walmart and bought a new pan."

    One of my favorite vintage shotguns took me a month to refurbish, make it mine. Promise you've never seen one like it. It was all of $200 (parts, stain, every little cost). I'm far more proud of that than the any shotgun I could have bought at the store.

    Anyway, I understand OP. But he still shouldn't have insisted on returning the damned thing.

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  • [–] -1 points 11 months ago (4 children)

    They literally said the old one still "works just fine"...

    And it seems clear from the text that it's a 3D printer

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  • [–] 10 points 11 months ago (2 children)

    The text makes clear that the 3d printer was an older gift that they enjoyed (which they enjoyed building)

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  • [–] -3 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    Yes, and:

    "For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have."

    Seems clear that the gift was a replacement printer?

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