My bidet is like a pressure washer seriously, it has quite a bit of pressure, enough to make it pretty unpleasant if I crank it up on high.

Yeah, it's not soap but I'm not using my ass to eat, I'm just trying to get all the shit off of it so I don't get weird ass-rot and hemorrhoids.

Mine was about $30 on sale and it increased my quality of life in ways that are hard to describe. Shitting at work is a lot worse now, I feel like a barbarian sitting around with a dirty ass all day.