I'm 24 and I recently got kicked out, me and my roommates spoke and they want me out by the august. I first wanted to stat with how we got here, around 2 years I would move in my roommate K and her wife Z, things were overall going well but it became clear I was neglected as a kid, and chores were not my strong suite. I could do them but not very well. eventually K got another partner F and between the three it became rarer and rarer for people to depend on me for chores. I felt bad but admittedly did not whole a lot to handle it. K would start to get really upset with me and It spawned fears I would get kicked out to the point where I would have long periods of depression, eventually we would move to Nola, and things only got worse from there, I told K I wanted to as go to therapy but K said she did not believe I was going to get better and that I am focusing way to much on clinician diagnosis and I could of just googled autism hacks or adhd chore hacks and that I was being terrible cause I wanted to be terrible, I overall got a point where I would constantly self deprecate as K would really only be mean to me and we would fight non stop every single day, I was never invited to do anything, and my life sucked. I got the the point where I started to dissociate and it got to a point where I could not function at work, my depression was severe and I would mostly sleep during the day, I finally did get into therapy and on some good meds but it was too late, one week ago I was informed due to my actions I am getting kicked out, while I was offered a couch in Shreveport to sleep on, and maybe a roommate situation I was still very upset. I am at the point where I feel like I lost everything that matters to me, I did not want to go back to Shreveport and I feel absolutely devastated. I applied for jobs in Seattle, and Denver but I have not even gotten a call for interview yet, and I honestly lost hope. I just don't know, how does one rebuild from nothing, like I dont have a job, friends, family really anything. I have a car that everything I own fits into thats it. What do I do now??

I feel like I'm def the asshole here, but I dont know. Me and my roommate K, have been roommates along with her two partners, things have gotten really bad between me and K to a point where K would yell at me a lot cause I wasnt doing house chores when I would get depressed or overwealmed. It got to a point where K is now kicking me out and the only thing I got offered was a mutual friends couch in a different city. K says I'm horrible and I'm playing the victim card, and I'll never get better, and I could of just googled everything ive been trying to go to therpy for it and I focus on clinical stiff to avoid the turth thay I'm just choosing to be a horrible person. I honestly feel like I should jump off this really tall bridge in my city and I keep thinking about it, I doubt anything in my life is gonna improve, the only real thing on my bucket list at this point is trying heroine, and hoping to overdose from it. I just dont want to live anymore, there's nothing for me. I have a useless IT degree, no friends, no family, I legit have nothing. I have BPD from years on childhood abuse and neglect, I'm autistic too and can't adapt to living in a world that isnt built for me, ive never done anything of note with my life. I did the math and bridge is definatly high enough to kill me, its also realtively dead at night. I plan just parking my car, emergency flashers, places my ID, keys and a note on the passenger seat and walking uo to the railing and taking one last look over and falling. I might get really high before I do it. I just keep feeling like I will never get out here, no one will ever love me again. I just stare at my phone and there isnt even a single friend I could call that would just listen to me, and hahg out with me and make me feel okay. I have online people but admittly it doesn't change the material reality I'm in.

So I got kicked out for being horrible, I have BPD and I just suck horribely. I'm a piece of shit by every measurable amount, I parentofied everyone cause I was neglected and autistic, I didnt do house chores without being asked, I would ask things to people before googling them, I'm a literal piece of shit, and I fear if I live with other roomates which is basiclly required in our economy I'll just fuck it, like ive dome twice. Thats why all my friends could offer me is a couch in the corner for 3 months, I'm a piece of shit.

I wanted to run away to Seattle and try to start again since there isnt anything for me in new Orleans anymore. Getting kicked out was the last straw for me, I balled and begged like a dog but nothing changed. I want to get help but I fear if my roomates arnt aware and are super honest with me I'll just end up living in my car. I'm scared and I want guidence, I'm autistic and this is the biggest leap for me. I was living with childhood friends for the longest.

Basically I was told that I parentify everyone I meet, I got kicked out because of that. I just feel horrible. Ive been sobbing. I also have BPD most likely but I was in therpy, they kept telling me they didnt think I was gonna get better, and how I dont want to get better.

I found out from a friend of friend there is going to be a large discussion, and it might include discussing options of other places I can live, I know my BPD is bad, and I'm a piece of shit, I mean look how pathethic my post history is.

I'm just upset cause no matter how I cut it mentally its unideal, its better than homeless, but still very depressing.

I'm honestly just done with living, its pain, I enjoy nothing. Everything feels like just checking the box. Nothing is eniohable anymore

I just dont see a point anymore, I applied to every IT role under the sun and nothing, IT was jut step down cause I grew up and realized, I had better chances of winning the lottery than getting a game Dev job, or hevk really any cs gig that did anything cool. I tried to make the best of that decision, now I'm realizing there is a very high likelyhood I just work at Walmart forever, and I'm like fuck that. My firnefs tell me thats okay everyone hates their job I need to grow the fuck up. Like dude what the actual fuck. Your telling me I'm gonna spend 40 hours week of my life, not be able to afford anything nice or even have time. And die alone at 70 fuck that. The second my parents die, I'm the literal second I get the call, buying a gun, and driving out in the middle of no where, eating my favorite food I bought on credit card and pulling the trigger. There ain't nothing to live for, I'm autistic anti social, fuck this shit. I didn't habe fun, the past 24 years have been shit. No one cares about me, fuck it. I'm done. I cried for the past 6 hours the only thought of joy I fucking had was blowing my brains out. To not have to do this fucking shit anymore. I fucking hating it. I hate myself too.

I'm really fearing being thrown into a hosptial, so ive been disassositing a lot at work, I definatly have anextity and dread about going to work, and I'm definatly burnt out. What feelsl ike 5 minutes to me is 30, and I'm genunily dealing with being disabled. My fear is if I dont say enough my leabe won't be granted cause burnout isnt a reason to not go to work in the southern united states, meanwhile I worry if I say too much she will call up cops and I will be dragged to a hosptial and stay for 10 days and be immediately cleared to go work afterword not only defeating the purpose, but leaving me worse off than before. I keep feeling if I get 2 months off at least I can maybe formulate a plan to avoid burnout and get therpy. Vs if I get thrown in the mental hosptial , I will get kicked off medicaid following an income review, while I will likely be granted leave, it will be an unpaid week and I will immediately repeat this cycle.

I'm in louisana so I'm not exactly sure how broad the definition is of harm to myself, or like can she just say oh me going to work is self harm therfor throw me in the mental hosptial. Genunily conflicted on what to do here. My appointment is Monday. I'm going on telehealth so I doubt she will tell me if sue is going to call the cops, I'm sure they will just show up. Cause if she did, I'm gonna go out of town. Last time they nearly put me in the mens ward. I'm a trans women. The only reason they didn't put me there is they were out of beds in the men's ward.

I feel nervous cause I'm at the point where I will loose my job if I dont get supoort, ive had two documented conversations about performance. Next is a writeup than I'm fired for it.

I just feel honestly really scared, going back to school has so far sucked bombed all three of my test 1s, already falling behind. Between this and target I just feel so overwhelmed, I don't know what I want at all, bit just to feel like I don't need to run every single day, or rest fof long periods of time if I need to, SSDI would be nice but that's only 950, things I enjoy I would have to give up like driving, given my insurance is horrible. I just feel incredibly sad, posting this, rolling over, knowing when my alarm goes off, I'll need to get dressed and drive to target, just to repeat the same stressful expersize I did the other day, I'll get home aware I have class at 8am, I'm not even sure what to do now, IT was bust, I already have a degree no job, I'm just so burnt out. I'm so tired.

I've been on HRT for about 4.5 years now, and I still don't really feel any better, I'm still very depressed and dystphoric. I know I dont put a ton of effort in, but when I for help cultivating an aesthetic, people tell me to go on tiktok, or just Google it, I suffer a lot as a result cause due to my ADHD I just can't pay attention or I dont do anything and I just keep suffering, I've honestly considered just ending it since my dysphoria has been strong and consistent my entire life. I'm just tired, I want help but I just feel alone in this journey since I can't just google it, or look it up on tiktok. I feel like I'm a hopeless person and I'm honestly annoying to the trans community and huge part of transphobia

This post sounded better in my head now it just feels foggy and hard to type but I am giving it a try anyway, I just don't know how to feel anymore I feel alone, sad and I know I am ugly and my transition didnt even do anything. In general whats killing me is I cannot find a decent job, or even any job for that matter, and I just feel like my autism makes it so no one ever get's close to me and everyone secretly wants me gone.

I feel like my transition failed, I have been on HRT for 2 and a half year and only gotten very minor results, yes I have talked to my doctor but they really don't listen and I spent so much money on healthcare. I just look in the mirror and I see someone who is quite ugly and generally considered unattractive by all. My dysphoria is always really high and I very depressed about this.

As you likely know from my previous post I don't really have a great connection with my family, and they cannot support me emotionally once so ever.

I feel workwise I don't think I will ever work anywhere near anything I went to school for and will be resricted to min wage most of my life, I feel like there is not a ton of I can to change this, and nothing I seem to do helps, I am currently 2.5k in debt on credit cards and I highly doubt I will ever be able to pay that back given expenses on min wage.

I am currently living with friend but I know they can't and won't emotionally support me and I know they are the type that cares about me enough to be sad if I commited sucide but not enough to notice any of the red flags or even ask how i am doing when i am really going through it. I feel bad since I know I am a horrible, gross and annoying person. I know the only reason they even hang out with me is they feel bad for me, and realize i am a loser and this is the best I have right now. don't get wrong I still do care about my friends and I feel really bad for saying the things I said in this post but I always feel it's not their fault and they are doing the best they can, they are closer to themselves than me. I feel like if they knew how bad my mental illness was they would slowly but surely drop me due to not being able to emotionally support me, I often feel like I need to present as emotionally perfect publicly cause they don't have the spoons to help someone who is actively suicidal and hates every single element of herself

I have been recently loosing my grip on reality, I often loose myself in really hyper realistic day dreams, I will zone out to the point I question if I am even real, or if my surroundings are even real, I sometimes just give in since I feel like it's a reality that ignores how gross and horrible I am and gives m what I want but don't deserve.

I would commit but I feel like I am too much of a coward to do anything actually deadly. I don't want to be alive but I am scared of what comes after death. I also feel like traumatizing my friends is not fair.

I just feel like everything has hit rock bottom and it's my fault. My entire life sucked and I guess I just want to tell someone since I got nothing to loose anymore. My life begins with abuse, my first memory was my dad beating on my mom, soon enough my next memory was my mom moving out, I don't remember much between that but I never could of guessed he would end up winning custody, I spent the next 12 year of my life being yelled and screamed at, and hit me. I knew he loved me in some way and still does help me out but he abused me. Growing up, I never had many friends I was always treated as the weird kid and my socialization skills would suffer as I had no real sense of boundaries. When I was 14 I found out I was transgender and sudeenly for the first time in my life somethings about why I hated my body made sense, but unfortunately I would go onto the suffer many more years due to being unable to start hrt without my dads involvement. When I turned 18 I moved in with my mom, this was at first a pretty decent arrangement, I was even able to start hrt at 20, however I realized how hard it was to make friends in my home town, and my moms anxiety about driving made it hard for me to learn how to drive and than she fed into my beginners driving anxiety. it sucked but I still love her and don't feel like it was her fault. I moved out at 22 and while I was not financially equipped I thought it was the best option at the time, I made friends all steeming from a childhood friend I had at one point. It seemed perfect and I was happy, but the truth would soon rear that I annoying everyone, people speak to me with annoyance in their voice I know people only keep me around since they don't think I have an ideal place to go. Now I am in a house, I wish I could of held onto this, but I blew it, I can tell people are just my friend cause they don't think I have anywhere else to go. No one has officially told me they are not my friend but there is a certain coldness. i am really concerned eventually the long convo explaining how they feel will happen. at this moment I am thinking heavy about the end. On top of all of that I still look like a man I feel like, most trans women do like not look like men and they are some the prettiest girls i know, but I do look horrible, I am genetically cursed my facial bone structure is totally awful and I won't even feel right no matter what I do. I have been on HRT for two years and still feel this way.