Do you often feel exhausted at the end of the workday, even though you’re careful to get enough sleep? There could be a simple explanation, one that might surprise you. You might be overloaded with emotional labor. What’s more, your role as a company founder or business leader might make you feel responsible for the emotional well-being of everyone who works with you.
That intriguing insight comes from clinical psychologist Shannon Sauer-Zavala, Ph.D. In an insightful post at Psychology Today, she connects the dots between emotional overwork and exhaustion. She blames emotional labor for making people feel more tired than they should.
What is emotional labor?
Definitions vary widely, but they all center on the work you do to ensure the emotional well-being of others. People perform emotional labor both in our workplaces and in our personal lives. This could include projecting positive emotions that you don’t feel. It could mean you’re the one to to make sure, for instance, that a valued employee’s birthday or other life event is acknowledged. Or, you might always be the one to arrange get-togethers among employees or with key staff. It could also include mediating between conflicting parties and smoothing the waters when emotions run high.
As an entrepreneur or business leader, you may naturally consider it your job to look after the emotional well-being of those who work with you. You’re right, you should do this some of the time. But constantly taking care of others’ emotions, to the point where you’re exhausted, is bad for both you and your company.
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Sauer-Zavala offers a few examples of what she means by emotional labor. These include “being the default planner in your household, workplace, or social group,” and “taking on the role of therapist friend (even when you don’t have the energy for it).” If you frequently feel fatigued, too much emotional labor could be why. Good news: You can do something about it.
- Notice your own emotional labor.
For too many of us, performing emotional labor is so much of a habit that we’re barely aware of it. We may not stop to consider our own energy level before, say, comforting someone through yet another crisis. “Are you the one always checking in on friends but never getting checked on?” Sauer-Zavala writes. “Awareness is the first step.”
2. Create emotional labor boundaries.
“Start honoring your own limits,” Sauer-Zavala advises. That might mean using the phrase, “I can’t take this on right now,” when someone needs you to hold their hand through an emotional upheaval.
It could also mean setting some emotional office hours. If a work-related problem arises at 8 pm, and it isn’t an emergency, you likely would have the good sense to leave that task until the following morning. Consider using the same approach if a non-emergency emotional task arises in the evening, such as the need to plan a party or a conflict between employees. You’ll get the emotional rest you need, you’ll be fresher and better able to find solutions in the morning.
3. Do things that emotionally feed you.
These include practices like journaling and meditation, both of which have proven mental health benefits. Sauer-Zavala calls them “deep rest activities.” You can also receive an emotional recharge from spending time in nature, or talking with a friend or family member who “gets” you and is completely supportive. Making time for activities like these is as important as making time for proper sleep and exercise. Consider them part of your routine for staying healthy.
Plus, one more thing. It may sound contradictory but it’s important: Make sure to give yourself some unstructured time when you don’t have anywhere to be or anything to accomplish. “If every free moment is filled with obligations, errands, or mindless scrolling, your brain never gets a break,” Sauer-Zavala writes. Even staring out a window has emotional health benefits. Make sure you have the time and space to just let your mind wander, or to nap, or do nothing at all. You’ll be much more rested, and better able to tackle those important emotional tasks.
