so, it turns out my sibling, after college, they became fearful for their (and our family's) life and started pressuring my family. They are controlling me, my grandmother, and my mom.

Recently, I've seen this manifest in their confrontations.

1. They says something ridiculous (usually about leaving the door unlocked for 10 secconds; not looking behind enough; ).
2. I prove them wrong;
3. They gets mad and insist being right.
4. I slowly get angered when they keeps insisting I'm wrong
5. then I get uncomfortable and angered so I request to end the conversation and they refuse and insist on me "listening to them" (repeat, multiple times)
6. I enforce my boundaries (usually when I get harassed).
7. They harass and try to assult me (they broke the door in my room).

This happened in the past few months…

Well, my mom (a "mental health" therapist, ugh) is basically not doing a thing to fix their problems (anger management therapy); my mom instead just coddles them and blames me for starting them up, when they are pressuring me and our family. (Why am I surprised? Christian liberal-supporters who haven't read the bible, get mad when their children curse (but nor anyone else), and overstock on food; turn out to be garbarge parents and enablers…)

My aunt went on about how "I need to bond with my family and work together" (which really just means "do as they say").

Grandmother cant do a thing about it; because she's weak.

Also, I'm thinking about signing out for good; if I keep posting; I might actually dox myself.

I'm confessing this now, so I can still maintain my accountability (and not become a piece of shit).

I found porn (firstly face sitting and then wetting) when I was 13; I wish I didn't. I was trying (and unsurprisingly failed) to 'get' a girlfriend. (Retrospect, Big mistake was thinking to 'get' one as if they are objects to obtain like game rewards; I learnt that lesson, lol.)

I still watch it 5 years later… that was a mistake (albeit unconcious, but still my fault) as I am aware of what porn addicts become if they don't stop.

I heard that porn was bad through yourbrainonporn, but some of studies had low sample sizes and subjective measures for testing that I jumped to the conclusion that porn wasn't harmful.

Well, I'm realizing that lacking a source doesn't automatically invalidate someone; and that the harm done is through spreading misogynist ideology.

Of course, (usonian) capitalism is part of the problem. The people are heavily isolated by car-centric transportation, isolated through work, the capitalist state (police and psychiatry), etc. Unsurprisingly, as long as those systems exists, I'm likely going to struggle worse with fighting porn addiction; as I have no consistent acquaintances.

I would have told my parents when this first started; but I feared getting abused (this is the reactionary U.S we're talking about).

I wish I was born in the USSR, where they banned porn. It would have been great to never deal with that.

This is a small part of anglo colonialism by the anglo tech industry.

Let's not forget, the U.S tech industry was originally developed only for English speakers and treated foreign speakers as an after thought.

• Notice how many sites (like Reddit) demand an account identifier that only uses English letters and numbers.
• How many tech infrastructural (like compilers and editors) programs (for example gcc, git, the linux kernel, and emacs) only have English documentation and allows only English use in identifiers and configuration.

Let's not forget that while, I support therapy, I don't support abuse of it (for ableism).

U.S already has COVID, imagine the shit show that will happen when Monkeypox continues to spread like crazy. Yet here we are and the U.S still doesn't seem to give a shit.

Sending love to the immunocompromised; they do not deserve this.

My reasoning was that it would "help my microbiome". I'm so stupid; I'm too impulsive. The piece I had was light colored and it was as wide as a fork.

My mouth is dry and I'm peeing clear pee when I didn't have much water, so I think I have food poisoning.

I'm pissed that my mom is just trying to shrug off my worries. It has been 2 hours since I had that piece.

I'm going to fucking hate my life after this. Hope I don't die.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/479043

The U.S is pathetic.

cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/322331

Hey comrades, I hope this doesn't break the rules but I needed someplace to rant to sane people. I know how well threads like this go over on R*ddit. Due to some hefty psychological abuse during my childhood, I suffer from bad social anxiety. Until very recently I couldn't even talk to strangers via phone, Discord, or Email.

It took me so long to realize that I needed help and even longer to gather the strength to seek it that I am 25 now and only started getting better slowly. I just feel like it took me too long and now recovering is meaningless. I never went to any parties or clubs because I couldn't and I also didn't have romantic connections.

The thought of asking someone out terrifies me. I am completely clueless in dating matters and overcoming this seems like an impossible roadblock. It feels like I am already too old to have no clue about relationships and I will be definitely too old once I get over my fear of approaching someone. I don't want to be alone forever. I don't want to become some weird incel creep but I also feel like I already crossed the point of no return. And yet I feel silly for worrying about this. I know a lot of you have far greater problems in life. Me complaining about having social anxiety and being single just shows how good my life is if this is truly my biggest problem but I still can't shake it.

Sorry that this rant is so uncoherent and leading to nothing I just had to get this out in an environment that is actually supporting and understanding.

Edit: thanks everyone for the kind words. I was shedding some tears while going through your replies. I was that deeply touched. I count myself once again lucky to belong to such a kind and caring community (can't believe libs call US red red fascists) and I now feel much better about myself. I feared I was alone in my fight, and even though I haven't met a single one of you in real life, I now know I am not. I will get around to answering everyone of you but it might take me a day or two.

• Issue #1059.

• Another message to issue #1059 by Paul Hardy.

Reddit thread.

The project maintainer is egotistical. I guess that's another behavior to not do as a software developer.