I mean everyone's figured this out more or less though.

Gentle horn tap - polite, informative. "The light is green and you're spaced out, mate".

Pronounced depression (or two) on the horn - stern, informative. "You just swerved into another lane without indicating in heavy traffic, your behavior is risky".

Long extended honks, wild honking, something resembling Morse Code - impolite, abusive. "You just blew a stop sign", "you're driving on the wrong side of the road". "You could kill someone you fucking arsehat".

Trucks already have this. A town horn and a country horn

I just need a button to play frustrated R2-D2 noises at people. Polite, humorous, and a gentle reminder that there are other humans in those other cars, but still gets the point across.

This used to be a requirement in NY - cars actually had a "NY horn circuit" in the 60's and 70's.

I saw this same post somewhere else but have the same reply: the INEOS Grenadier has two horns. There is a button on the steering wheel called “toot” and it is for pedestrians and cyclists.

At this point, I think all cars should have an LED display for text. Flashing your lights can get people's attention, but it could mean anything. We should be able to set a message (maybe with a handful of defaults) to be displayed either on the front or rear of the vehicle. It can warn people that their light is out, or their trunk is open, or anything else. It'd clear up a lot of confusion.

My old Mercedes had this. Switch on the dash for "city" or "country" horn settings. Had the same for the headlights, city or highway settings. I loved that car.

I wish I had a train horn yesterday. Some asshat in a black Sequoia cut me off from the shoulder. If I were 10 years younger I would have followed this jerk and explained to them the error of their ways. I wish I had an rpg launcher, or at least a paintball gun, mounted on my car.

You misunderstand the purpose of the car horn

I've thought about this as well, except I think there should be one polite/quieter one for pedestrians and one loud for cars.

I hate the idea of honking the mega loud thing at a pedestrian being a dumbass. I don't want to scare them shitless and make a dangerous situation worse.

Then everyone would just use the "fuck you" horn.

Polite horn:

Fuck you horn:

My Volt has a pedestrian honk that works well for this.

Honk? Shit, they won’t even let you drive it soon.

https://youtu.be/lv8wqnk_TsA

Gen1 Chevy Volt has this feature

And a horn that says, "Hi there."

Rolls Royce had city and country horns. Not sure if any still do but I think the Mercedes S class maybe did too at some point in the heyday of Top Gear (early mid 2000s).

If you have a little electrical training you can install one on the bottom front of your car and with the button tucked away under the dash. That way you can't get caught having one unless they I' impound your car and dig around for it.

MBMBAM Great Job Horn

A lot of trucks have this. I have only experienced the full Apocalypse Horn Array once, after I obeyed a stupidly placed 40 km/h sign with a truck close behind me as we were both going 80 on the freeway into Melbourne. Slowed my little hatchback down and almost became a speed bump. Good thing the truckie was on his toes. 😄

I will never do that again.

And both horns should only emit a short noise. The function is served with a short beep - anything more than that is just yelling at people in your multi-ton penis replacement.

Unpopular opinion: cars should have no horns. People use them to make incessant noise. Instead of turning the wheel when they are about to crash they just beep as if that's going to make the other vehicle move.

No reason to have them I will not give a full list of why they shouldn't exist and you can forget trying to convince me otherwise.