this is really fuckin weird.

If you want it because you have faith in that, go on. If it's just because "it feels correct" or anything other than genuine faith, you shouldn't do that.

proof there actually are stupid questions

I was raised catholic, and the steps you need to complete, the sacraments, would be baptism, which I would think is a freebee as they do it to babies, first communion which we did around 1st grade. I went once a week to a school in the evening until the third sacrament, confirmation, which is your "I'm an adult and chose to be a Catholic" . That was around 15 or so, similar to a bar mitzvah.

There are a total of seven sacraments, last rites at death and a Catholic wedding are two others I believe.

There really weren't tests and such, I could name a few more saints than the average person I suppose.

I'm sure a local church will have adult classes, I can't imagine it being a difficult process, though how long it would take I have no idea.

You need to go to RCIA classes. They are 2 or so hours once weekly at my church. The process takes about nine months. Maybe you can knock a little time off if you shop around. It's pretty streamlined as is. It used to last 3 years.

I would very much like the Catholic church to say I am not Catholic, but despite vocally hating such an evil organisation that I do not believe a shred of, they still choose to count me as one of them.

It sounds like you should talk to a priest.

why do you think it's anything like being knighted?

I guess it has one similarity in that it's a symbolic ritual, but I think that's where the similarities end. Being knighted is a lot more impressive, and commands some respect, since it has a selection process that involves either being recommended by the public or a government committee...

There's no minimum requirement to become Catholic... Have you heard of missionaries... People that travel far and wide to try to spread their faith because they want to baptise literally everyone in the world...

You don't need to be Catholic to fuck kids

Yeah I definitely don't want to know more about your various opinions on sociopolitical subjects.

Just dunk your head in the bath and pretend it's a crusty old virgin (altar boys don't count!) holding you there. No need to bother with the rest of it.

Baptism is an act that you can do at anytime technically. The literal translation is imursion. The act of a baptism is to symbolically imerse yourself in the holy spirit.

From some quick lookups, it seems that you can commonly do so after some months of guided preparation. No need to memorise a bunch of shizzle, but being baptised is more of a 'participation award" in such cases, if I understand rightly.

Of course, YMMV when it comes to various Eastern Catholic churches, or even sect-like groups.

You were born too late, my friend. You would've positively loved the Crusades. Rare best of both worlds scenario.

The number of hoops you have to jump through will be proportional to how much money you have.

Yes, there are usually classes for adults who want to convert.

No, you can't get baptized without studying the Catechism.