Not cowgirl breast milk, very disappointing

You know when you take that first spoonful of New England clam chowder and it’s like the universe whispers, “Slow down, buddy, you’re home now”? My family treated chowder like a sacred ritual…snowstorm outside, pot simmering inside, everyone pretending not to notice that my cousin Jimmy always stole the oyster crackers just to crush them up into fine cracker dust. And then use those as his own personal hacky sacks until the bags exploded.

You know when the steam fogs your glasses and suddenly you’re back in your grandparents’ kitchen, watching mammy stir the pot with the same wooden spoon that’s she’d had since before you were born? That spoon could have otherwise been a magic wand with the wonders she could prepare in that kitchen.

Sadly, mammy passed a few years back. Jimmy died a couple of days ago. OD’d on fentanyl; aspirated on a piece of potato from the chowder we had prepared together for lunch that day. He was looking pretty gaunt by then, and I thought cooking a big pot would bring back a little of the magic, like old times again.

Anyway, the rest of this gallon here still sits in my fridge. Aging day by day, slowly headed towards its expire date. Much like the rest of us. But maybe this review will be retained for some time long after. 5/5 - Rest well Jimmy, you’re home now. I miss you.

Can we get a bigger image of the milk? I can't masturbate to this low quality milk.

I understand why my dad never came back. 5 out of 5.

I was very sad when I accidentally spilled it.

Drinking tit milk from a cow is BESTIALITY. That's why I only drink human milk. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Goes great with Pepsi!

I SHIT MY PANTS!!!! Definitely contains lactose. 10/10

Farmers, allegedly, have no way of ensuring that cow faeces does not enter the product at the milking stage and if the general public were to find out about it it could have an annihilating impact on the dairy market at large. Fortunately, I have not detected this issue in any way with this particular bottle. 5 stars.

I made paneer, following a recipe I've used dozens of times before. The resulting cheese was perhaps softer than usual, and even after squeezing it and dripping for hours, the slow drip of whey continued, unabated.

I dared to try a bit. The texture was just as expected, with the familiar squeak as the cheese broke apart upon chewing, and just a hint of extra liquid. The flavor was also fine. I could have added more salt, but that's a problem I've run into before, and I usually cook the paneer into something, so I would just make a saltier sauce.

I decided it would be fine to leave dripping overnight, but I thought something was unusual. It was late, and dark, and I was ready to go to sleep, so I needed an answer to the lingering doubt at the back of my mind. The bowl I hang cheese over to drip is one of my largest bowls, but I dumped out the accumulated whey anyways - then I went to bed.

In the morning, my wife woke me up in a panic, and I came downstairs to discover that the bowl had filled, then overflowed with whey. I dumped the bowl once more, cleaned up the mess, and then promptly dug a pit to bury whatever this approximation of cheese was. Maybe it will stop. Maybe it will flow down into the water table, and bacteria will digest whatever is in the Great Value whey.

In either case, I have made the important decision that the outcome is not my fault. Walmart is responsible for whatever occurs, and if I need to sell this house at some point in the future, I hope Walmart will disclose the state of affairs to the buyer, because I most certainly will not.

Three stars out of five.

"My daughter tried using this in her Bad Dragon donkey-sized dildo and made a huge mess. She was so embarrassed that she tried to clean it up herself and missed a bunch of spots. The damn house still smells like a cheesemonger's stale fart from where this milk seeped into the corners of the carpet. Worked great though, looked just like cum. 4/5 stars."

Decent jugs.

It’s only 2% milk, the other 98% is chemicals

4/5 While I enjoyed this succulent excretion of bovine breasts, it did not bring the same joy from my youth of suckling from the source.

0/10 - Wrong quantity, recipe had asked for a litre.

It's great for washing down that Walmart Fent-On-The-Bottom yogurt.

Aged like wine

0/10 not in a carton

1 star: it failed to properly cleanse me when I used it for an enema.

Satisfying homogenised mammalian excretion.

"This product gave me horrible diahhrea for several months and I fear my wife & kids will never view me the same way again. I am a changed man, and have seen the other side, and what stared back was not pretty"

4 stars.

1 star. It's not vegan.

Tasted like it came out of the wrong hole.

We noticed you're interested in milk. Can we also interest you in other milk?

Tastes milky with with a hint of tonka beans. Texture is smooth. The dance of the glyceris angels can be felt. Color is fresh snow white. No hint of sourness, the protein didn't stucked to the teeth. Smell reminded me of my childhood at the lake house.

But it blue label is for 1.5% milk not 2% so that is a minus. This must be an American thing.

9/10

Lumpy, just like mother used to pump.

It's the perfect shade of white, smack in between ejaculate and Proof Boy. Tastes better than both.

For those who want to actually post a review:

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Great-Value-2-Reduced-Fat-Milk-Gallon-Refrigerated/10450115?classType=REGULAR

Feel free to find equally stupid shit to review

1/5 stars, this IKEA cheese kit came without the necessary screws!

0/10 not femboy milk :(

Thanks for the reminder to get my prostate exam.

lactose intolerant. saw the hat man. 3/10

It is not a wall, but I wanted a wall from WALLmart. Very disappointed 0 stars

False advertisement. I would not support this company and their deceptive packaging. I did not receive blue milk, it was boring ass white milk from a cow, not blue raspberry milk.

1 star. Too white.

Too base

"Helped me cum"

Guaranteed to give everyone the lactose shits.

5/5 people buy this white colored water so I can buy cheaper heavy whipping cream and whole milk

I'd like it better if its entire existence couldn't literally be a prop in a dystopia novel. Ruthlessly exploiting malnourished cows and their calves, watered down to pad profits, jugged in plastic, extorting ungodly amounts of land and water resources, sold by a corporation that has a bigger bottom line than most sovereign nations, sold to the impoverished and brainwashed masses that fuel the very destruction of the only planet we fucking have.

That, and it's 2%. Whole milk or no milk, and I will die on that hill.

Recieved femboy milk instead, which is great. Tasted very good. 4 stars, would be 5 if they always shipped femboy milk rather than just by accident.

5/5 tastes like cow jizz

The butterfat was exquisite but my fridge door isn't strong enough to store it, so I keep it on the main shelf, but I had to move the HP sauce so things are a bit crazy here right now.

We don't buy great value milk anymore. It's time for a few days but consistently spoils far faster than any of the other options for us. So it's not really great value unless you consume a lot of milk.

Triggers my lactose intolerance like nobody's business

It plays a mean bluegrass