"FEMA official blacked out and came to at a Waffle House"

FTFY

You actually have to be an expert to be dubious of this?

If yes, what kind of expert?

Strangely after teleporting I always wake up with a headache and memory loss.

Who are the teleportation experts?

First, who the fuck is an expert on teleporting to Waffle House?

Second, why the fuck are the experts "dubious" instead of incredulous or openly condescending? JFC, c'mon experts, do better!

The sad thing here is the real underpinning: Guy had a fugue, which can be super alarming, and rather than contact his doctor or a doctor or, you know, even asking an AI, he decided he teleported and then decided to go public with that info. Now I hope someone talks to him. Transient fugue states can be normal and harmless but this can be a sign of something more serious, like epilepsy or brain changes. But also please someone fire him quickly.

Teleportation experts.

So... going with the bit here...

At what point does the SCP Foundation step in?

Because to me, this sounds like either a cousin or variant of SCP - 7819.

... Its Keter class... people are not supposed to know about this.

…When mentally ill people are put in charge of the nation’s government…

We must assemble an panel of experts to discuss on the evening news. Both sides have legitimacy that must be explored. The segment must end inconclusively leaving it to you, the viewer, to decide on if the head of FEMA was teleported for a Waffle House against his will or if he was blackout drunk.

"Experts are dubious" ok that's sorta funny, but it's too bad this is such a serious position being held by a blackout Christian drunk.

No we’re not doing “experts are dubious.”

We’re at “society is sick of this shit go away asshole,” and have been for some time now.

I'm going to guess this was at 2am in the morning after a night of drinking at the local strip club. He just found himself at a table hungover, with a coffee and a plate of greasy bacon and eggs, wondering how he'd got there. Must have been a UFO portal. Couldn't possibly have been a drunken blackout. No, siree.

Teleporting to a WH? Easy breezy. No problem whatsoever. It’s the teleportation outta there that I have some difficulty with.

Experts? Experts of what exactly? Teleportation?

Gregg Phillips, who is in charge of responding to fires and floods, says...

Well, I feel safe in knowing that my life and property is in secure and competent hands 🫤

Don't they have mental health screening for employees at FEMA? Maybe it is time to take care of this person.

I'm dubious, does that make me an expert? Can I start getting the expert checks?

Experts are dubious that he teleported to Waffle House. CNN investigation reveals it was really an IHOP.

Generally speaking, wtf?!

I felt like I teleported the first time I smoked weed, but I know that I didn't literally teleport. 

I wonder if he having some sort of seizures. I saw an episode of scrubs were it was non apparent when it was happening but they regain consciousness and are confused.

NYT is dubious too if with all their resources this is the editorial choices they make...and the standard they set...

Ah, he tried xanax.

I think we should take it seriously. He clearly has Dissociative Identity Disorder. He needs to be hospitalized for his own well-being until we sort it all out.