My computer’s startup beep gets a pass. That little noise is sooo reassuring to hear.

"Please place item in bagging area."

Fuck off already!

ADDENDUM: You are allowed to speak to me if you use a cute accent.

New kink unlocked

"Ugh, yes, call me a stupid clanker! Turn me off and back on again!"

*sniff*

"Alexa, shut the fuck up, you have no right to speak in my holy tongue."

While I'd like to think the response to that would be interesting, it probably isn't. Anyone want to try?

I might consider using voice prompts on Google assistant if it wasn't so terrible at understanding me. You'd think after over a decade and with all their resources Google could have made it better at understanding a British accent. It still gets about 1/5 words completely wrong.

If it speaks it has a tongue. If it has a tongue, it can be cut out.

This is how my husband is.

Then there's me, a Detroit: Become Human enjoyer, and I give thanks to Fred, my off-brand roomba, when he does his job well.

Selfcheckout machine has no right to speak in the imperative

I agree, just without the religious dogma... I'm a person, its a tool.. I don't need a tool tanking me and I don't need to thank a tool. That's it.

The mind of man is holy.

I instinctively reply to self checkouts politely but sarcastically. I hope our eventual overlords take it in good humour.

I'm not anti-ai, but I do not ever want a bot to interrupt and talk to me or ask me for information. one of my irc channels has a couple of bots ranting from command-prompted to trigger prompted, to full llm and GOD DAMN no one asked for a bit to commentate on my participation. shut. the fuck. up.

I swear, I'm not a curmudgeon.

None of my hardware talks to me. I also shut down the Christmas lights in my case, and on my mouse.

I haven't come across a kiosk that talks yet, but I suppose it will happen any day now.

Okay like yeah, I agree, BUT

there are few day-to-day mundane-things as funny as maxing out the volume on self-checkout machines which allow you to do so

"Please place your items in the bagging area" becomes

"Please place your items in the bagging area"

This reminds me Dominatrix-submissive relation.

My mama is obsessed with her multi printer and I am going to make this spontaneously generate

Well fuck you too buddy, imma go ahead and talk to a fellow bot at the NSA and release your internet history. Not so divine now are ya.

(Image source, for those curious)

You know OP there are treatments for that level of constipation.

we need a butlerian jihad. I want smart humans and dumb machines again

One of my worst experiences with a bot was calling Australia Post to try and track down a package that was sent to the wrong address. I had to speak the tracking number to the 'voice recognition software' because it was alpha-numeric, and no matter how slowly or deliberately I enunciated it, it could not recognise it. I tried dozens of times, and couldn't get through to a human until it had the number, until 6pm ticked over and the call centre closed.

Thank You