(TikTok screencap)

Man riding in the back of a car with the caption:

end of night stats:
eye contacts made: 12
weather app opened: 6
"she can get it": 8
girls who got it: 0

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[–] 38 points 1 year ago (10 children)

Why is the weather app significant?

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  • [–] 61 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    Gotta look busy like you're in high demand. How you can you be a hot commodity if you're not popular.

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  • [–] 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    I was once a a concert that was pretty busy and the moshpit was pretty gnarly. I met a guy there in the moshpit who played age of empires on his phone.

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  • [–] 34 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    "Hey gurl, according to this app, you're about to get really wet."

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  • [–] 5 points 1 year ago (3 children)
  • [–] 25 points 1 year ago* (7 children)

    There's a club if you'd like to go

    You could meet somebody who really loves you

    So you go and you stand on your own

    And you leave on your own

    And you go home, and you cry, and you want to die

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  • [–] 7 points 1 year ago (6 children)
  • [–] 19 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    Ronald Regan, MC Hammer, David Bowie, Niel Patrick Harris

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  • [–] 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    The second guy from the left kind of looks like a mash-up of Edward Norton and Andrew Garfield.

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  • [–] 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Yes my "girls who can get it" to "got it" ratio works out to something like my odds of winning the next billion dollar powerball.

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  • [–] 6 points 1 year ago

    Successful af

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  • [–] 11 points 1 year ago*

    My saturday night stats are

    Asshole drunk guys i almost beat up: 1

    People who i wanted to ask out and got basically friendzoned by: 1

    Friends who dont know what the fuck just happened but at the same time stopped me from commiting a crime: 4

    Also fun fact apparently the asshole guy has a record as a sexual predator, yay, i think im not going out for a few weeks after this expreince, kinda feel hollow after it. I want a time out from life rn

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  • [–] 0 points 1 year ago

    Girl version...

    Guys who thought they could get it: 40
    Drinks gotten: 37
    Gotten it?: No fucking idea anymore.

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