Matrix/Synapse is pretty easy to set up... the encryption is a bit on the kludgy side, but it definitely works... I run it over a cloudflare tunnel (inbound) and perm-VPN tunnel (outbound)

I can give you a sample docker-compose file I use if you'd like. ;-)

Self-hosted messaging was solved decades ago, it's called XMPP or Jabber depending on who do you ask. There are a number of services for it, such as Prosody or ejabberd, and there are both client apps (eg.: Conversations for Android, Gajim or Dino for PC) and a number of webclients (such as converse.js which can actually be shipped via a ejabberd install).

That said you could just set up an alternative Signal client that allows for custom servers, since the centralization of Signal only really exists at the level of the client only connecting to Signal's servers.. Signal's people have pointed this out themselves, when offering bridge setups so that people could connect from Iran or other countries where those countries blocked Signal's endpoints.

If you're going with Matrix, consider looking at Synapse alternatives. Synapse is by a huge margin the heaviest of the backends to run and it doesn't really get you anything extra.

I prefer XMPP, its very simple unlike Matrix and I set up a prosody server.

I also self-host a messaging service. My infrastructure is a homing pigeon coop.

/uj I like your question and couldn't contribute technically, so hope you get a laugh

Looking at self-hosting I would rather go with chatmail, part of the deltachat ecosystem. Contrary to others the account doesn't live on the server but on devices: a server going down merely affects connectivity, not the whole identity. Moreover servers are made to be redundant such that messages can transit through pretty much any of them. So when one goes down the app switches to another one and the downtime is invisible

Matrix is the most popular one these days, and it's worth considering just for that reason, but it is also extremely buggy and slow. I can't tell you how many timed I've been booted and locked out of my own account, or someone sends me a message, only to receive "message cannot be decrypted" error.

If you're starting something new that you're bringing other people to, I'd very much recommend DeltaChat/ArcaneChat (chatmail). It's been far more reliable and easier to use.

I've never used XMPP because all of the clients are extremely dated.

I just setup fluxer selfhosted, using it for alerts from monitoring things but once I make everything is good and stable I was going to let the discord communities I'm in about it.

I host a matrix tuwunel server and can recommend it.

My motivations are that it gives greater control, and i think federated platforms are better.

I have it set up on a hetzner vps running debian, which tuwunel provides an official package for.

Acronyms, initialisms, abbreviations, contractions, and other phrases which expand to something larger, that I've seen in this thread:

[Thread #166 for this comm, first seen 11th Nov 2026, 01:30] [FAQ] [Full list] [Contact] [Source code]

I used this to simplify the matrix server setup: https://github.com/spantaleev/matrix-docker-ansible-deploy For the client I've been loving: https://git.sable.moe/SableClient/sable-next But there are lots: https://matrix.org/ecosystem/clients/

The answer is always matrix (it has bridges) and a couple people say XMPP.

A friend hosts an IRC server that I use along with a bunch of other mates for a lot of our comms. Works really well and is wonderfully lightweight without any extra bells and whistles that we don't care for.