Just wrote that in other comment under Your previous post... You hellish assy celeb. I dare You to do some ultra cute painting, of any style, digital or classic, and post it to 196 here. And do 20 squats daily for sake of Your ass. Ass must grow.

You don't know what to do? none know, but hey, here's some random idea from random fuck me from teh internetz, take it or not, at least it's something?

It's going to be fine sis. Whenever you need to talk, you can do it here or in DM to people you trust. This life is way better just knowing you're here.

Meds usually take some time to kick in and be fully effective, I'm no md tho so … idk

Keep taking care of yourself, eat, sleep, this sort of things. Do your best and it's gonna be okay.

Distractions can work well... sometimes, and exercise can work great for lifting your mood. In any case I really hope you pull through this, and it's great that you're off the kratom.

I wish I could swap whatever the hell my brain is on with yours, I get my seasonal depression in the summer, I practically feed off of the gloomy winter weather.

I really am happy to see you keep going despite all the shit you've been through <3

Being dependent on someone else for living is really shitty. I also have that but not as extreme. I am currently building up saving and trying to get more income. Like I am not making a lot but I have a bit of money that will catch me if I ever had to leave the place I live. You do not really have to have a real job to get some money. helping in an NGO or volunteering in your community can often be compensated and often has little barrier of entry (at least thats how I do it mostly, still trying to get a job though)

I bet if shit really went down with you there would be some lemmy ppl living in Europe who could give you a place to stay for a week or two if you managed to get transport. (german here)

Idk too much about the situation with your bf I read a little in your earlier post and it looks like you may have done a mistake but some of the things he did were in no case ok

When reading your posts I get the feeling that you now try to live mostly through him being a "good" girl, not disappointing him, behaving good for him. This will not make you happy in the long run, it is a survival mechanism, live for your own joy!!

Jumping or smth else would mean that your worries are gone, but you would also leave a lot of happiness behind you already experienced and the joy you cannot even grasp yet. You bring lots of joy to people on here!! (me included)

It is great that you are of Kratom for now! Getting of Nicotine really does help as well though! I had bad values for my last test and I felt little to no breast growth talked with a friend stopped most of my nicotine (again) and in the last 2 weeks my tiddies have been tingling again a LOT.

Anyway I wish you the very best you genuinely are beautiful and loved (not only by your bf)