Being dependent on someone else for living is really shitty. I also have that but not as extreme. I am currently building up saving and trying to get more income. Like I am not making a lot but I have a bit of money that will catch me if I ever had to leave the place I live. You do not really have to have a real job to get some money. helping in an NGO or volunteering in your community can often be compensated and often has little barrier of entry (at least thats how I do it mostly, still trying to get a job though)
I bet if shit really went down with you there would be some lemmy ppl living in Europe who could give you a place to stay for a week or two if you managed to get transport. (german here)
Idk too much about the situation with your bf I read a little in your earlier post and it looks like you may have done a mistake but some of the things he did were in no case ok
When reading your posts I get the feeling that you now try to live mostly through him being a "good" girl, not disappointing him, behaving good for him. This will not make you happy in the long run, it is a survival mechanism, live for your own joy!!
Jumping or smth else would mean that your worries are gone, but you would also leave a lot of happiness behind you already experienced and the joy you cannot even grasp yet. You bring lots of joy to people on here!! (me included)
It is great that you are of Kratom for now! Getting of Nicotine really does help as well though! I had bad values for my last test and I felt little to no breast growth talked with a friend stopped most of my nicotine (again) and in the last 2 weeks my tiddies have been tingling again a LOT.
When I was smoking lots and had to stop I always had really bad withdraw symptoms like chest and stomach pain, my whole body aching... but I often managed to get through withdrawl by reframing it as self harm, finding pleasure in the pain, not being in control of my body
but maybe that just works for my submissive masochist brain
Anyway I wish you the very best you genuinely are beautiful and loved (not only by your bf)