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Man, if I rolled a 1 attempting to push someone off a cliff my DM would absolutely have me miss and stumble off the cliff.

Source: https://mythjae.wordpress.com/2016/01/28/fated-3/

This is why critical fails are usually so much better than critical successes. Lean into that shit hard!

"P...please stop caressing me. I'm trying to kill you!"

"Oh, you don't like that? You don't like mommy's strong hands rubbing your orc back? You don't want this little barbarian dwarf melting all the stress of battle away from you? Go ahead and tell me you don't really want it, bitch!"

And that's how we got an orc pet to follow the party around!

I initially thought this was a cat-related meme for some reason

I LOLd during a meeting because of this.

Rolls 20: "but instead you lightly caress his back, and he likes it"?

Psychic damage, I'll take it

For a moment I was impressed at the stitchery but then I realized it wasn't real.

But you are not, this is what you wished for.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )