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[–] 213 points 4 months ago (18 children)

How irresponsible, having a baby when you can’t provide for it and don’t have stable housing. How dare you?

How irresponsible, trying to improve your income and achieve stable housing instead of having a baby. How dare you?

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  • [–] 106 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (17 children)

    Women are criticized no matter what decisions they make. This is a way that patriarchy reinforces itself.

    Edit: relevant essay: https://www.sevanoland.com/uploads/1/1/8/0/118081022/there_is_no_unmarked_woman.pdf

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  • [–] 38 points 4 months ago (8 children)
  • [–] 25 points 4 months ago (7 children)

    Yup. This is why I can’t tell if I’m trans or if I just want to be unmarked.

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  • [–] 23 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (6 children)

    This really hits.

    Like, ok, my OS didn't ship with gender.exe, that's an aftermarket DLC consisting of 95% cosmetic skins, and I'm busy trying to roll out kernel patches. Sorry about that! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    I only run it to avoid social issues and/or because it's the path of least resistance. And even then... I've only ever thought "I am doing A, B, & C, and avoiding X, Y & Z because they expect me to and it's just easier".

    I know I don't want to change my gender -- there's not much there to speak of in the first place. I simply want to do what I like. On the other hand, I know that this is "not normal" because most other guys seem way more attached to their gender, like it's an existential threat to them if I cross an imaginary line while existing next to them. And they act compelled to know "what" other people are, as if they'll implode because they won't know how to be around them!

    So the best thing for me to do is to get around people who care about other people LARPing at gender just as much as I do.

    (To be clear, I have absolutely no problems with anyone else wearing the gender layers of their choice, and wearing them proudly. As long as they're not an asshole. I actually kinda envy this, because for me it's like wearing a parka in a hot car. Changing its color won't do anything, I actually just don't even want it, I want to live my life without carrying around these heavy rulesets for what color my shoes need to be. LMAO, hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

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  • [–] 7 points 4 months ago

    Yeah, I feel similarly. I would very much just like to be seen as a robot/friendly ungendered alien by society. I’m happy wearing super gendered lingerie when I feel it’s called for, but that’s private. I’m also happy wearing a binder at home, but don’t want to wear one in public.

    Unfortunately, the least gendered choice is sometimes the most marked. Like, I would have had to answer a question about it every time someone saw a wedding photo of me if I’d worn a suit, so I wore a dress. I didn’t care much, and it was so much easier to just go along with expectations.

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  • [–] 6 points 4 months ago

    Oh damn I'm the same way, but female. I just figured it was all the body trauma from my body betraying me by bleeding everywhere, forced pelvic exams to get birth control, chronic pelvic pain and compulsory sex.

    I just want to do what I want to do, which doesn't involve bleeding out so I can go swimming, being able to enjoy sex without fear of UTI or pregnancy, and just being allowed to exist like before puberty when I felt like a human.

    I don't care what pronouns people use for me. I'd transition as an excuse to get rid of these cursed organs. I don't really care how people perceive me.

    I think it's a type of agender called cassgender, when you just don't care.

    In my case though I don't know if it's because the trauma has made me entirely disconnect from all that and just left me indifferent.

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  • [–] 6 points 4 months ago

    From what you described, it sounds like you may be agender, ie don't have a gender. Not that you have to use a label or anything, but if you want to explore it further, it might help too know what to look up ;)

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  • [–] 3 points 4 months ago (2 children)
  • [–] 9 points 4 months ago (7 children)

    I suspect there's pressure from peer women too. Are there any non-partriarchal societies to check for it?

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  • [–] 12 points 4 months ago

    I don't know of nonpatriarchal societies, but there have always been women who enforce patriarchy. Consider, for example, "tradwife" influencers. Or look at the moms who let their sons get away with murder with a "boys will be boys" while reprimanding their daughters for not being responsible.

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  • [–] 4 points 4 months ago (5 children)

    The Jewish culture is semi-matriarchal

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  • [–] 2 points 4 months ago* (2 children)

    Do jewish matriarchs demand children from their daughters / daughters-in-law ?

    The Internet doesn't give me a definite answer on that matter 😔

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  • [–] 71 points 4 months ago (11 children)

    I got a hysterectomy last summer and now people don't ask me about kids much anymore. People who don't know me well think that I am upset over losing my ability to reproduce. The people I know well know that I had a small party after I got rid of my reproductive organs. I had a custom cake made and everything.

    10/10 best medical decisions I've ever made for myself

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  • [–] 56 points 4 months ago (7 children)

    My wife had a hysterectomy due to extreme endometriosis a few years ago. We had a Yeeterus party. Our friend made a uterus shaped piñata to bash.

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  • [–] 16 points 4 months ago (5 children)

    I hesitate to ask what prizes were inside the piñata.

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  • [–] 9 points 4 months ago

    I'm sure it must be great not having to deal with your body beating itself up for not getting pregnant that month. It might be invasive and feel free not to answer but im curious, have you noticed any other improvements or issues since then?

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  • [–] 15 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    Someone asked us if we're planning kids at some party recently and some other friend quickly said "you shouldn't ask questions like that, it's rude. you don't know what people could be going through". The other person simply said "you're right" and moved on.

    People are slowly learning.

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  • [–] 17 points 4 months ago

    This is missing a few regular Get pregnants before the end one.

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  • [–] 15 points 4 months ago (6 children)

    A lot more fun is dealing with this as a can't get pregnant couple.

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  • [–] 14 points 4 months ago (5 children)

    We’re a never pregnant by choice couple is and it’s a non-stop onslaught of “you’ll change your minds.”

    We won’t. It’s been many years and we have no interest. Doesn’t stop friends/family/strangers asking about it constantly.

    We enjoy our disposable income, free time, and naps without alarms. I show up to work well rested everyday surrounded by coworkers we’re are exhausted, overextended, and barely getting by. Not exactly the selling point people think it is.

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  • [–] 14 points 4 months ago (2 children)

    I'm already exhausted overextended and barely getting by. How tf could I add a kid to that?

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  • [–] 9 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    I think we will see a large US population decrease over our lifetime if the middle class continues to be squeezed.

    The single income supporting - 4 kids, a house, cars, and annual vacations is a distant memory. We are firmly in a two-income economy without any pathways to affordable childcare or elder care. It is unlikely that we would ever sink our money into kids. We watched our parents have kids they couldn’t afford out of pressure from boomers. They now haven’t saved enough for retirement and likely will work until they die or be impoverished.

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  • [–] 8 points 4 months ago* (1 child)

    My father's counterpoint is asking who will take care of me in old age. I genuinely feel a degree of disgust knowing that reason played a decent part why he had children. Maybe he should have tried to be a better parent and spouse before thinking about that.

    Edit: a letter.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago

    It is sad that most people think this when someone doesn’t have kids.

    What’s worse is that a large number of American elderly go uncared for by their kids. Rotting in nursing homes that barely do enough to provide for them.

    I see many patients that never have any family visit them in the hospital, sometimes it says more about the patient than it does about the family.

    I would say having kids never guarantees someone taking care of you in your old age. I’m not having kids and I’m also not taking care of my parents. They are grown adults with jobs and the ability to save for their retirement.

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  • [–] 30 points 4 months ago (3 children)

    Unasked for opinions from everywhere when you have the ability to grow and birth babies.

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  • [–] 13 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    Yup! My ex had this happen to her all the time especially from a church community we were part of. She would always say her doctor advised her not to have kids and if that didn’t work she’d go into detail about her body and why the doctor said she’d have problems carrying a child. Most would stop there but there were still some that would give her the “don’t you believe in miracles if you have faith?” type responses. We left the church after it kept happening.

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  • [–] 9 points 4 months ago

    My wife and I liked to commiserate about how she got these and I got "hurry and get someone, anyone pregnant" like we were not involved in the decision or process

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  • [–] 14 points 4 months ago

    Being a woman is like - stop trying to tell me what to do. Keep your opinion to yourself. No one asked you.

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