I don't think "marinated" is the right word here. What's the word you use when you keep something in formaldehyde?

What did the chicken do to him to deserve this fate?

This would actually work if they used sprite instead, and not too much that it’s swimming in it.

Caffeinated chicken seems like something that was inevitable.

Honestly, it's probably delicious. I use Dr Pepper in a lot of barbecue recipes. Not much different from using Mt Dew.

I think the weirdest thing about this is the kiwi.