That's me... We are 3 siblings. I was "the good one". I was always responsible and dependable and they always said that "I grew myself up" because they never needed to care about me.

Fast forward to the present, my relationship with my parents is basically them being two complete strangers to me. They never cared about me so I never developed any kind of bound with them to the point that I don't hate them, I simply don't care about them more than I care about a stranger.

Apparently, this makes me the bad person because "you should love your parents".

Well excuse me if I am autistic so my way of loving is different to yours and on top of that, you made me grow up thinking that a parent is just the figure you live with for your childhood with no actual bound.

If, according to them, I grew up being so well behaved that they never had to praise me or tell me I was loved or I was a good kid... what the hell do you expect from me now?

I don’t blame my parents, because my mother was terminally ill, and my father was suddenly the main provider and caregiver for three generations and six people, including himself. They did gush about how adaptable I was, and how I taught myself how to ride a bicycle, not realizing that that’s not what kids should need to do.

As an adult, I am very unhappy when plans change (unless it means I don’t have to leave the house), and I’m very unadaptable in the short term, though I am a well integrated immigrant, so I guess I’m pretty adaptable in the long term. To be fair, my chosen country has a culture that I’m a lot better at adapting to than that of my home country, barring the staring and greetings in waiting rooms (I’m an autistic American with a special interest in languages living in Germany).

I didn't even realise this had a negative aspect, but from quickly reading around it a bit, some stuff makes a bit more sense.

My dad didn't beat us. Maybe a slap on rare occasions. But the yelling and emotional/mental abuse was bad. My mom and I would wait at the window to see him coming home so we would be ready to make sure he's in a good mood or gets what he needs right away.

Now he wonders why I don't call or want to connect. He's much better now, but he was not a good dad when he was at his lowest.

I was a good kid because I didn't want a beating when I got home.

Ha I literally overheard that from the other room when I visited them for Father's Day last week. The topic was shitting on my cousins.

And your parents help tank your relationship with your siblings because your parents keep comparing them to you.