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on the male loneliness epidemic (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 year ago by to c/curatedtumblr@sh.itjust.works
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Show transcriptScreenshot of a Tumblr post by nongunktional:

when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue

to all the men out there not getting laid: try less hard to get laid and try more hard to be an enjoyable and relaxing presence

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[–] -1 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Not necessarily. Societal factors play a huge role in how relationships with other people are formed. Places where people can naturally make deep lasting friendships are hard to come by right now.

And being aware of those societal constraints also allows people to navigate around social norms. People are more interconnected than ever in the age of technology, most marriages now are initiated through the internet. If people can find a spouse online, I think you can manage to find a friend. How about you pm some of the boys who agree with you instead of wasting your time talking to me?

Our society has a tendency to look at issues like this and say "well that just sounds like it's all their own fault" without taking the thought further.

Society cannot gift you friends...

WHY is this happening to so many people? And what can we do to better prepare young men to make lasting friendships and support each other more?

Being aware that there are problems..... I suggest you discuss it with people who have the same beliefs. Maybe communication may be part of the problem.

The reason this has become more and more of an issue is specifically because people just put the blame on individuals, who don't feel like they have the tools or opportunities to fix these issues.

What exactly do you think society can do to make you more sociable? Social studies can diagnose a problem at scale, but it's not going to fix interpersonal relationship skills.

Then all it takes is for right wing propaganda to say "hey here is where the issue is, it's because of feminism! You were right! It's not your fault!" And because they are the only ones telling them that men are moving to the right in droves.

Breaking news..... Fascist are willing to lie to naive young men! Crazy.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Society cannot gift you friends…

    It sort of can! Think about a very-religious church group or a military squad. When people are forced to spend all their time with a small group, they mostly become friends.

    In the not-very-distant past, we lived in much smaller communities with much more interdependence.

    I think some of the "male loneliness" talk is because society used to literally gift men with a friend group and a family and now they need to get all these things on their own but a lot of boys have not been raised to develop the skills they need for this new society.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    It sort of can! Think about a very-religious church group or a military squad. When people are forced to spend all their time with a small group, they mostly become friends.

    I'd hardly say that a religious group or the military could be classified as a society, they're just organizations within a society. No one is depriving these people from joining the same organizations today

    the not-very-distant past, we lived in much smaller communities with much more interdependence.

    Again, no one is stopping anyone from joining a commune or a village. And even within the organizations and social groups you mentioned there have always been social outcasts.

    a lot of boys have not been raised to develop the skills they need for this new society.

    I would say there is some truth to that, but at a certain amount of one recognizes that about themse there is a onus of personal responsibility required if you want to make changes.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago

    I don't mean to suggest that there's nothing to be done or that having society provide you with community is the solution. Just that it used to be that way and we're in a state of transition.

    No one is depriving these people from joining the same organizations today

    Right. But I'm saying that previously you were raised into an organization. You pretty much had no choice but to be a member of whatever group your family had been a member of. Now we've got a more free-form society and finding a group takes effort. And because you're not being forced to stay in by societal expectations, it even takes effort to stay with the group.

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