I am so sorry. Honestly I do sometimes wish my trans son had stayed a girl as she was so beautiful, but you know who I don't say that to? My son. My desires for my grown kids do not matter, why would they? It's my job to raise them to be themselves, right? So they can be happy and successful in whatever way they want. And courtesy costs nothing, I don't understand why people don't just address people however they prefer. I also don't know why parents think they can control kids like that, it's crazy. They did their part, you go on and live now, it's your world not theirs anymore. I hope you can find some way to relate to them without harming yourself, but if not, that's their loss, you will be fine.