Yeah, it's hard because all my life I've been telling myself, "If I just do X full bore for a few months I can parlay it into a job/career," and every time the furthest I get is collecting books on the subject and maybe a few weeks or months of sporadic practice. And in the meantime, I feel like what I crave spiritually is exactly just something that I can sink my focus into; so I am left both without income and with nothing to look forward to in my present or my future. So I don't know what kind of peace acceptance would grant me, knowing that I will never have the life I want and I'm just going to be flipping channels until I die.
I've tried a bunch of meds and they didn't seem to do much for task initiation; instead, I seemed to do the same thing I would have done anyway, I just did a lot more of it. So for instance, instead of doing tasks I should have been doing, I would just be on reddit for 16 hours with no breaks.