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I can't figure out what i want (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 2 weeks ago by to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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This isnt really a cw vent as much as a mind infodump so I'm not tagging it.

When I first posted a week ago I was still deep in revelation of "dang I kinda like dressing fem". And wondering if im really trans or just like cross dressing or if im fluid or whatever the fuck.

I'm more stressed now as im at the tail end of moving out and I've been go-go-go for this entire time without a break. So I haven't really been thinking about it, every day it's just throw my work jeans on,get the nonrunning project car running so it can get out of the garage, try to keep head straight at work, bla bla. And like, when I'm hard focused, I don't mind being a man. I'm just getting shit done out here bro.

Which makes me wonder. When I get moved to the new place and life slows back down is this shit gonna hit me like a ton of bricks all at once? Or is it just ADHD novelty seeking drawing me in for a couple weeks and I'm faking everything?

Its weird. I haven't tried talking about it to my partner yet but I doubt she'd be that worried (she's super bi and open/an ally for all queers). But I'm still left questioning wtf my brain wants. I don't really want to be this way because it adds so much more complexity to my day life.

I hate being sentient lol

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[–] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

i get you. identities are complex and not necessarily even constant. i've partaken in the same self-questioning. i think many of us have had those doubts somewhere along the line. hopefully life will chill out and you can take some time to experiment and figure out what feels right. i identified as non-binary for years before admitting to myself i'm transfem. still not sure whether the nb label applies or not at this point.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

    I'm almost wondering if fluid is the label that applies because I find myself wildly oscillating between the two in my mind. But I think part of it is not being fully ok or convinced of being partially or wholly fem yet.

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