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Flawless strategy (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 weeks ago by to c/memes@lemmy.world
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[+] -25 points 3 weeks ago (9 children)

So you were taught wrong, and/or made incorrect assumptions, and that's the woman's fault she didn't live up to the bargain you invented? Do you really think that women who don't "initiate" are breaking some kind of pact? Do you think being decent and non-creepy entitles you to attention from women? Are you respectful because they deserve respect or because it's your "end of the bargain"?

You know that common culture dictates that the man be the aggressive one? If you think that's not fair, I agree, but flipping the script can't be fair either.

You may want to consider that your difficulty with women is not because you're overly respectful.

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  • [–] 27 points 3 weeks ago (7 children)

    Nope I don't think any of those things. I'm just sad that there was nobody in my life to teach be that you shouldn't base your happiness on the expectations you put on others.

    I wish I would have realised that before reaching an age where it would be embarrassing to try to become a functioning person.

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  • [–] 11 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

    About learning to be a better person: you can either start now, or think about it for a couple of more years. I think, better start now!

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  • [–] 8 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

    Or, I can do nothing, stay "barely passing", continue to mask the rest and deal with the mental consequences of that on my own time. The silver lining is that fortunately life and it's bullshit are finite.

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  • [–] 8 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

    I get that change is hard, but masking and dealing with the mental consequences isn't easy, either. It's just what you've grown comfortable with.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

    Grown comfortable? Please... I have my 10.000 hours in, I am a master. Any effort for improvement has to compete with the effortless act of doing something by instinct.

    There's no point in becoming a better person for me. For whom even? I could be the nicest, smartest, most capable, most empathetic, most charismatic version of myself I'd still be blindly stepping around in a dark forest alone.

    All my life I've missed every off-ramp, every warning sign, every speed bump, I flew through the dirt after the road has ended and now I am stuck in a ditch.

    I'm somebody who need to be thrown into the water to learn how to swim instead I've been told not to step in it because there might be sharks.

    But enough with the metaphors for now.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 weeks ago

    Learn yourself.

    Find what you enjoy, what makes you happy, what drives your curiosity, what stirs you to anger, what makes you weep, what fills you with awe and wonder.

    Discover who you really are, and, so long as your enjoyments and proclivities do not cause harm or grief to others, you can live a full life, a good life.

    To the extent that you do discover elements of yourself that scare you, vex you, dissapoint you, or give you pause... when you have the energy, interrogate them, when you don't have the energy, jot them down for later.

    Maybe the path you'd want to walk involves many other people, maybe it involves very few, but it will certainly involve yourself, so I'd recommend getting well acquainted with that guy, he ain't going anywhere.

    Yeah, the world certainly is rough, unforgiving and quite homestly bleak in a lot of ways... but that doesn't necissarily mean you must also be that way, simply a product of your environment.

    It is what you do with the life that you have, that is who you are. There is no preset rubric, no universal standard for what that life should look like, other than the one that you might compose for yourself.

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  • [–] 6 points 3 weeks ago

    It is pretty funny to accuse a person of believing a bunch of things they do not believe, where one of those bad things they are said to believe is that they invent things and make incorrect assumptions.

    You've managed to project projection, you did a projection inception.

    Like, your instincts are terrible, but the unintentional comedy is grade A!

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