First of all, under my moral framework which I already described the coma example would be very morally wrong because you are doing something TO someone, which I have already said is my dividing line. Which makes it functionally different than anything else we've discussed and therefore not a good comparison.

Secondly when it comes to the sleeping stranger there's also a difference, you are running a very high risk of traumatizing them which also would fall into the doing something TO someone category and therefore be morally wrong even if it's only based on probability, you are risking immoral outcomes for pleasure which is fucked up.

But if you're just wearing a sex toy you're not doing anything to anyone except yourself as there's no risk someone decides to randomly strip search you in public and if they did that would put THEM in the wrong. Do you see the difference now? Getting off to other people isn't the same as doing something to them, you aren't actually physically involving them because they aren't forced in any way to interact with what is happening.

Your next argument is about being physically there having a moral quality to it so now you have to define physically there, for example, would it be ok if they were in the next room? Is that still "physically there"? Is it a line of sight thing? If you can see them it's wrong but if you can't then it's ok? You must make a choice here where you either claim all masturbation is wrong if you're thinking about real people or you must find a way to describe "being physically there" that excludes masturbating while thinking about someone but includes all possible ways of being "physically there"

This is fundamentally an impossible task as being "physically there" is a gradient spectrum concept, you can measure it in physical distance, for example how many meters away someone is, you can measure it by sight/sound, or by conceptual 'thereness' which is probably the closest to what you're actually trying to describe but far too vague to be useful which is the problem you're running into here, for example I will assume that you would also oppose to someone masturbating to a video feed of another person who is unaware yes? Even if that individual is on the other side of the planet, they are still being 'physically involved' albeit indirectly if you use a general concept of 'thereness'.

The thing is I think you're also conflating harm to the other person and the mental state of the acting individual, if someone is doing something like that then it's generally safe to say that they are not engaging in mentally healthy behavior yes? It is generally not mentally healthy to masturbate to live video of people unaware you can see them even though it doesn't harm those people yes?

But something being bad for you to do because it is harmful to the way you view other people and something being bad to do because it harms those other people directly are two different things and I think you are treating both as the same thing in your arguments here without realizing that's what you're doing.

I can appreciate how obvious these things seem to those that are in the community, so I really hope you don't take offense to my questions. I just don't know! But I am curious. And thank you again for answering my question :)