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“there’s not much misogyny on Lemmy” - kinda comments I got on a post expressing concern about Ariana Grande’s health (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 months ago by to c/womensstuff@piefed.blahaj.zone
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[–] 127 points 3 months ago* (33 children)

Misogyny is rife on Lemmy.

Post about feminism or women’s issues in LW communities and you see so many misogynists crawl out of the septic tank to have their say.

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  • [–] 103 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (17 children)

    I'll never forget how many men here were (and still are) butthurt about the man vs bear thing, writing 5000-word essays on how judgmental and stupid women are for choosing the bear.

    Or when the Tea app (the app where women could anonymously discuss about men they dated so they could warn others if there's any danger/red flag) was breached and the women in there was doxxed, the general sentiment here was "they deserved it bc they shittalk about men." This one was particularly funny bc usually Lemmy's all about privacy and security, except when the bad, bad women are the victims I guess!

    Or how one day ago, there was a post about why women gave out fake numbers and many of the comments agreeing, but some men still came in to say that the post was "rage bait."

    And if we point it out, we "are sexists" and "make feminism look bad" ☺️ Fun!

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  • [–] 22 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    Bears are predictable. Men are not. The "men" are more than likely offended that someone would choose risking it with a bear than a random man (them).

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  • [–] 21 points 3 months ago

    The “men” are more than likely offended that someone would choose risking it with a bear than a random man (them).

    And instead of being inquisitive or empathetic about WHY women would choose a bear over a man, they blame women for being scared of men.

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  • [–] 9 points 3 months ago (8 children)

    I don't really know much about Tea, but isn't the entire point of the app to disclose information about other people without their consent? I can personally see why the pro-privacy crowd would dislike the users of that app. As someone familiar with DARVO and leery of gender essentialism, I also get skeeved out by Tea.

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  • [–] 10 points 3 months ago

    I understood what the app was trying to do, but I also see how, if unmoderated, it can easily snowball into a cesspit very quickly. Not a huge fan of it myself.

    Still, some women may have been using it to warn others of potentially abusive men, and now they're in danger because their names and addresses are public, while Lemmy celebrated because "That's what you get for gossiping! There can't be a better punishment!"

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  • [–] 9 points 3 months ago (6 children)

    There's ways to vocally dislike that type of privacy breach without attacking the users and claiming they deserve it for trying to help other women stay safe.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (5 children)

    Yeah

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago* (4 children)

    Yep. Gossip isn’t just idle talk. Gossip has historically been the way that women pass information to each other in the interest of keeping each other safer.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    Gossip is also a means for women to abuse their ex-girlfriends. It's a serious problem in the gay community. It's called DARVO. If you know your ex is going to accuse you of abuse in the future, and you have no morals, you can shoot first and appropriate these defence mechanisms against your victim.

    Whisper networks have a tremendous potential to abuse women, especially trans women. It happened to Me, set off a chain of dominoes that lead to My ex-wife being raped, and ultimately left Me so riddled with trauma that I lost My career due to poor mental health. I was homeless.

    I don't want the women who use whisper networks to be punished. But I don't feel okay with whisper networks' existence. It feels like having a loaded gun on the table, and anyone who's a good enough liar can pick up that gun and use it to hurt someone. Usually, someone queer. Rowling's friends have done it.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    As with anything in life, there’s a balance to be struck. I don’t like the idea of shaming people sharing their experiences with past partners just as much as I don’t like the idea of targeting someone and spreading life-ruining lies about them as an act of abuse.

    The app, the whisper networks, yeah there’s a discussion there around whether they should exist or how they might exist in ways that don’t open the door to blatant abuse. But none of those users deserved to be doxxed and threatened for essentially trying to save others from potential pain.

    I’m sorry you experienced that kind of abuse. I understand why you’re uncomfortable with these networks. I hope things are better now <3

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  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    Society associates femininity with vulnerability. So, a woman who performs femininity better, who's gender conforming, is believed easier. I'm nonbinary and arguably butch. I'm big and strong. And she was soft and small... When you're a transfemme, being big and strong makes you vulnerable. Femininity is social power.

    Not feeling very good rn...

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago

    hugs It’s a double-edged sword and I’m sorry it’s cut you. Everyone deserves to be respected regardless of how we present. Including and especially you because you matter.

    Be kind to yourself. We like you a lot around here.

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  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago

    usually Lemmy’s all about privacy and security

    Q. Online age verification?

    A. Destruction of our privacy, end of society, we’re in the matrix; let’s riot.

    Q. Random woman asks a guy to stop following her around with his drone/camera/glasses?

    A. Men are visual learners. My drone is cool. No expectation of privacy. Touching my phone is assault. If you open your curtains I can film you in your house and it's legal. Also, women should follow men around with drones, because that will make them equals, there I fixed misogyny. etc.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    I choose the bear because I like bears.

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  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    I chose the bear because the woods are where bears go. If I'm afraid of running into the pope I shouldn't go to the Vatican, if I'm afraid of running into a bear I should steer clear of forests where bears live. I'd rather run into a man than a bear walking through a city

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago

    That's a great point I never thought of.

    I'd rather be alone in the woods with a bear than a random man. But I'd rather be alone in the woods with a man ranger, or a fisherman, or a man ecologist, or an Aboriginal man engaging in traditional practices, or a man mycologist, or a man botanist, than a bear. Those men all have good reasons to be in the woods, so I bet they'll leave Me alone. Plus, I live in Australia, so a bear in the woods is pretty strange.

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  • [–] 33 points 3 months ago (8 children)

    LW? Is that lemmy.world?

    My finger frequently finds itself hovering over the "block entire instance" button for that site, and a few others.

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  • [–] 11 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    Oh where is that button? I think I want to experience my online bubble without .world. There's enough to keep me busy in the real world and I'm curious how it would change my lemmy experience. The last influx of reddit refugees has made lemmy a bit too reddity I think.

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  • [–] 13 points 3 months ago* (2 children)

    I use the default lemmy-ui on desktop so this won't help if you use an app or something.

    Click your display name in the top right, select settings, select the "Blocks" tab, scroll down to "Block instance" and type lemmy.world in the box, and then watch your lemmy experience improve tenfold.

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  • [–] 5 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    It can be a meh instance sometimes, but I'm yet to find another offering an old.reddit style UI.

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  • [–] 10 points 3 months ago

    I don't use reddit so I've never had an attachment to any generation of its UI. I just look at the kinds of people (including the manchild that just popped in here to brag about how he was about to get instabanned) on that instance and start doing some statistical calculus and ... the finger hovers.

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  • [+] 21 points 3 months ago (4 children)
    [deleted]
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  • [–] 17 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    So many on the Fediverse have this adverse reaction to defederation, but I think we’re reaching the point where instances need to start being more selective and cutting off those who don’t take serious effort to curb this behaviour in their userbase.

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  • [–] 10 points 3 months ago

    I don't miss the "bear or man" discourse days, but I'm glad they happened. Lot of lemmys went mask off with their rage and indignation. All with so little self awareness not seeing these outbursts is what makes unknown men in the woods dangerous.

    I hate it here. 🫠

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