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“there’s not much misogyny on Lemmy” - kinda comments I got on a post expressing concern about Ariana Grande’s health (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 months ago by to c/womensstuff@piefed.blahaj.zone
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[–] 9 points 3 months ago (8 children)

I don't really know much about Tea, but isn't the entire point of the app to disclose information about other people without their consent? I can personally see why the pro-privacy crowd would dislike the users of that app. As someone familiar with DARVO and leery of gender essentialism, I also get skeeved out by Tea.

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  • [–] 10 points 3 months ago

    I understood what the app was trying to do, but I also see how, if unmoderated, it can easily snowball into a cesspit very quickly. Not a huge fan of it myself.

    Still, some women may have been using it to warn others of potentially abusive men, and now they're in danger because their names and addresses are public, while Lemmy celebrated because "That's what you get for gossiping! There can't be a better punishment!"

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  • [–] 9 points 3 months ago (6 children)

    There's ways to vocally dislike that type of privacy breach without attacking the users and claiming they deserve it for trying to help other women stay safe.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (5 children)

    Yeah

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago* (4 children)

    Yep. Gossip isn’t just idle talk. Gossip has historically been the way that women pass information to each other in the interest of keeping each other safer.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    Gossip is also a means for women to abuse their ex-girlfriends. It's a serious problem in the gay community. It's called DARVO. If you know your ex is going to accuse you of abuse in the future, and you have no morals, you can shoot first and appropriate these defence mechanisms against your victim.

    Whisper networks have a tremendous potential to abuse women, especially trans women. It happened to Me, set off a chain of dominoes that lead to My ex-wife being raped, and ultimately left Me so riddled with trauma that I lost My career due to poor mental health. I was homeless.

    I don't want the women who use whisper networks to be punished. But I don't feel okay with whisper networks' existence. It feels like having a loaded gun on the table, and anyone who's a good enough liar can pick up that gun and use it to hurt someone. Usually, someone queer. Rowling's friends have done it.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    As with anything in life, there’s a balance to be struck. I don’t like the idea of shaming people sharing their experiences with past partners just as much as I don’t like the idea of targeting someone and spreading life-ruining lies about them as an act of abuse.

    The app, the whisper networks, yeah there’s a discussion there around whether they should exist or how they might exist in ways that don’t open the door to blatant abuse. But none of those users deserved to be doxxed and threatened for essentially trying to save others from potential pain.

    I’m sorry you experienced that kind of abuse. I understand why you’re uncomfortable with these networks. I hope things are better now <3

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  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    Society associates femininity with vulnerability. So, a woman who performs femininity better, who's gender conforming, is believed easier. I'm nonbinary and arguably butch. I'm big and strong. And she was soft and small... When you're a transfemme, being big and strong makes you vulnerable. Femininity is social power.

    Not feeling very good rn...

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago

    hugs It’s a double-edged sword and I’m sorry it’s cut you. Everyone deserves to be respected regardless of how we present. Including and especially you because you matter.

    Be kind to yourself. We like you a lot around here.

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