i had an ex who broke up with me because I wouldn't physically beat her, and like kept trying to goad me into punching and hitting her.

and no not in a bdsm way, it was in a 'my daddy beat my mom and that's what i think love is' way. she basically said I don't love her unless I 'show her what a real man I am by making her stay with me'.

that was one of the most fucked up nights of my life. took me like two years to get over that. some people are truly and seriously emotionally fucked up and think they are 'right' and everyone else is 'wrong'.

Basically yes. Once things get too "close" or too "real" people with that attachment style tend to get really scared and bail.

That would be noble.

You can change your attachment style with effort. I naturally had disorganized attachment and my wife initially leaned towards avoidant (avoidant is more bailing or disinvesting when things get hard), but we've both done a lot of work and display secure attachment towards each other and in general these days