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How to handle people using they/them instead of gendered pronouns? (piefed.blahaj.zone)
submitted 4 months ago by to c/trans@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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This is something I’ve noticed a lot among well-intentioned people who aren’t trans themselves. When talking about a trans person, especially in the context of talking about them before and after transitioning, they’ll use they/them instead of she/her or he/him, as the trans person in question goes by.

It always kind of rubs me the wrong way, because like, unless they want to go by they/them, it’s still misgendering, right?

But I also always kinda feel awkward correcting the speaker on someone else’s behalf, because maybe they do go by she/they or they/he, and I just don’t know. But it feels way more common that it’s someone who doesn’t feel comfortable using she/her for a trans woman, for example.

I don’t know. Am I overthinking this? How do y’all handle situations like that?

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[–] 8 points 4 months ago*

If you don't know someones gender they/them is not misgendering. (Should be the default for anybody)

If you know the person's gender and it's not they/them then it's misgendering unless it's ok with that person.

Using they/them on someone who looks trans and nobody else is just as bad as misgendering someone.

Its simple. If someone has not told you there pronouns, use they/them. If you know there pronouns then use what they want. (Yes it's really that simple)

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