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How to handle people using they/them instead of gendered pronouns? (piefed.blahaj.zone)
submitted 4 months ago by to c/trans@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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This is something I’ve noticed a lot among well-intentioned people who aren’t trans themselves. When talking about a trans person, especially in the context of talking about them before and after transitioning, they’ll use they/them instead of she/her or he/him, as the trans person in question goes by.

It always kind of rubs me the wrong way, because like, unless they want to go by they/them, it’s still misgendering, right?

But I also always kinda feel awkward correcting the speaker on someone else’s behalf, because maybe they do go by she/they or they/he, and I just don’t know. But it feels way more common that it’s someone who doesn’t feel comfortable using she/her for a trans woman, for example.

I don’t know. Am I overthinking this? How do y’all handle situations like that?

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[–] 5 points 4 months ago

I prefer non-retroactive, historical pronouns when talking about the past, for myself at least.

Pre transition me was a mess, he was constantly depressed, but current me is fine, she's able to smile in a way that looks genuine.

That's how I prefer it, but I don't think there is an accepted consensus on the topic. They/them works as its gender neutral, so could refer to anyone at any point, but I don't like it.

I hate when people use they/them as a hedge. I'll be out in public, and someone mau not entirely certain of my gender, so they go for what they think is the safe, respectful, and neutral option of they/them. And it feels like an insult. It feels like they're clocking me.

If I were not binary it would be good, but I'm not so don't.

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