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Do you think this guy likes me, or is he just being nice? (lemmy.world)
submitted 4 months ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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[–] 44 points 4 months ago (9 children)

As a 30M European, I'd say red flag. Committing like this on a first "date" is kind of unusual. Buying tickets, snacks, and books while - derived from context - meeting for the first time.

I'd look out and watch closely, don't let shiny things blind you, and enjoy the moments.

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  • [–] 30 points 4 months ago (8 children)

    Yeah it seems like this guy obviously likes OP but I'd watch out he isn't love bombing. Not saying it's what he's doing but I'd be wary if I were in OP's position.

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  • [–] 58 points 4 months ago (6 children)

    I just realized that I did this to my girlfriend in high school!

    It's pretty clear. Everything fits. I just don't know what to do about it now.

    I mean, we've been married for 33 years. Do we need to break up? The kids are grown and out of the house at this point, but I think they'd still be upset.

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  • [–] 31 points 4 months ago

    Delete Facebook, hit the gym, lawyer up?

    But in all seriousness, being generous and effusive with a prospective partner is not an issue in itself. The problem is when it's used to manipulate someone into being "hooked" on you then go on to abuse that person. That's why multiple people here are saying to be wary, we're not saying to write him off outright.

    💯 3
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  • [–] 13 points 4 months ago (2 children)

    I feel like this part of the link above is relevant here:

    Excessive attention and affection does not constitute love bombing if there is no intent or pattern of further abuse.

    The key to understanding how love bombing differs from romantic courtship is to look at what happens next, after two people are officially a couple.

    Surely if you've been happily married for 33 years, what you did back then wasn't actually love bombing, right?

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  • [–] 4 points 4 months ago*

    The real answer is that love bombing is simply a behavior pattern that can be benign, or beneficial, or destructive.

    A healthy way it might play out would be:

    Initial infatuation ->

    -> communication leads to deeper and more wholistic appreciation ->

    -> moderation into a mutually comfortable new status quo.

    But, the way tiktok understands the term is closer to 'anyone who is really nice to you and gives you a lot of attention, for no apparent reason, is potentially intentionally executed a fully consciously premeditated plan to manipulate you and then throw you away afterward.'

    Can that happen?

    Yep.

    How can you tell the difference, before hand?

    Uh, you basically can't, not right from step one anyway.

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  • [–] 2 points 4 months ago

    Without going down the rabbit hole there, would this also cover the 19m just being overwhelmed by his emotions?

    I have a friend who had a habit of doing this when we were younger when he liked a girl, but then never grew out of it. So I know it fit for him lol

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