There’s a guy I’ve been hooking up with for about two years now, who I enjoy having pretty rough sex with. I’ve never seen his face - we both are masked when we meet - and I have no idea what his name is. (Which tbh is the case for most sex I have.)

I mentioned that someone had me piss for them recently, and he asked me if he could piss on me before fucking me. So I set up my towels, he came over, pissed on me, then when we moved over to my fucking pillow, he really gently and carefully cleaned his piss off me. At this point, I don’t really connect sex to intimacy much, but the way he gingerly cleaned my back - before whipping me, putting me into a headlock and pounding me into mindlessness - it was just so gentle.

It was just a weird moment - I go back and forth on whether the rough sex with strangers think is a net negative or positive on my life, whether it’s actually a form of self harm or not. But I also have found that sometimes I get to talk to these men about anarchism or art, and have really fascinating conversations that just wouldn’t happen without doing this.