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What is your policy on letting a child use the internet? (lemmy.fedioasis.cc)
submitted 6 months ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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[–] 3 points 6 months ago (6 children)

The WiFi policy seems good. But the invasion of privacy will only alienate you from your kids because you show them you don't trust them. (You shouldn't! But you shouldn't let them know that.)

I watched some dank ass horror shit when the internet was young. Tub girl, one guy one jar, beheadings, all that kinda shit. I was just a teenager. I'm a highly functioning member of society. Good work, good pay, wonderful family. You teach your kids what's right and what's wrong and they'll go by that. But you gotta LIVE it too. Don't just preach it. Show them what's right.

My mother trusted me completely to do the right thing. She shouldn't have. But kids don't always do the right thing. But me knowing I had betrayed her trust a few times made me feel awful and I learned that it wasn't worth it. Doing what's right is cool, in the end. Kids figure this out if you show them the way.

And if they never learn what's right, they weren't going to no matter what you did, because it will have been outside influence that was too great, and that's just destiny, you could call it. Nothing you could've done.

Best of luck to anyone reading this.

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  • [–] 4 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    Invasion of privacy can be a good teaching moment.

    Don't wait until they've embarrassed themselves: take them through their browser history before they've even thought about porn. Show them router logs before they include pornhub entries. Show them their tracking history while they were far away from you, out with grandma. Explain that you don't look at these things, but that this sort of information is available. That if they use their school's wifi it's available to their teachers. If they use their friend's wifi, it's available to their friend's dad.

    Do it while the information isn't embarrassing, and they will learn to protect themselves, rather than be upset about your "invasion".

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  • [–] 2 points 6 months ago (3 children)

    You can’t make a blanket statement like that. It really depends on the situation.
    Our kids’ therapist insist we look at their history. But everyone is up front about it so they know it’s going to happen.

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  • [–] 1 point 6 months ago (2 children)

    This is a very obscured statement. Why does your kids' therapist insist on this? Very relevant information, if you ask me.

    I didn't really mean for it to be taken as a blanket statement either. You know your kids better. I'm just saying what I believe to be true in normal circumstances.

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  • [–] 1 point 6 months ago* (1 child)

    My kids haven’t had normal circumstances.

    A lot of kids don’t.

    I would even argue what “normal” even is…

    BTW: what are some ways that people can become parents? If your list is longer than one entry, you’re catching on.

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  • [–] 1 point 6 months ago

    You're right to ask for a definition of what "normal" means. That's relevant.

    To me, normal means you actually wanted your kids in the first place, want what's best for them, you live in a relatively safe environment with western values (perhaps optional, perhaps not), with enough money to own devices where you can watch YouTube, in this particular case. That's about it.

    Obviously not a blanket thing we can apply globally, no.

    But trust in my opinion is worth it's weight in gold. Trust generates trust. Look at how cats show trust, by not really looking at each other at all, and acting relaxed by maybe sitting down and closing their eyes. Because if you are tense, and you keep watching the other cat, it means you need to see their next move in order to react to an attack. When the other cat sees the first one isn't a threat, they do the same thing. Perfect analogy to this situation IMO. Show your kids trust and they will reciprocate. Maybe not immediately but they will grow into it. That's what I believe. 🙂

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