I'm wondering what that same test would reveal about the average US household kitchen?

And, yes, I understand that a commercial restaurant should be held to a higher standard than my grandma's kitchen. I'm curious, though, because I've seen a LOT of nasty kitchens in my time...

I feel like this is an unfair hot take.

For one thing, these can only be considered American restaraunts in that the branding originated in the US. The companies are global corporations. And this article is talking specifically about restaurants in the UK. These brands have different corporate offices in each country they operate in, with these offices doing things like modifying recipies to appeal to local tastes, sourcing ingredients from local supply chains, and complying with local regulations. And each location is operated as an independent franchise - most likely owned by someone who lives in the country. So, the branding of the cartoon clown is American - but these are restaurants owned by Brits with British workers, with British corporate oversight, sourcing British ingredients under British food safety regulations. They are British restaurants.

For another, I doubt this is a phenomenon unique to US-branded fast food restaurants in the UK. It is true to say "independent testing found fecal bacteria in ice at some McDonalds locations." But it is disingenuous to imply that this is an issue specifically with McDonalds without performing similar testing at the British-branded fast food chain next store, the kebab cart on the next street corner, or a random person's kitchen. And to claim that the restaurants have literally gotten shittier over time, you would also need to cite data on similar testing done at a previous time.

Really, the truth is that there are fecal bacteria just about everywhere - go test literally any doorknob, or ask any of your friends to test their phones. Or go test your toothbrush... for real. Yes, the world is covered in poop. Sorry. It is honestly completely unsurprising that some of it will end up in your food. You've probably been consuming it for years with basically every meal you've eaten.

But if you are concerned about the actual risk of getting sick from eating at any given restaurant, then large corporate chains are actually probably one of the safest bets. McD's has a global reputation to protect, has a long history of dealing with health code violation PR, and knows they have a target on their backs. Everyone wants McDonalds to be a dirty disgusting place to eat that constantly violates the health code so that they can talk shit about them. So McDonalds and other corporate fast food chains make a significant effort to make sure that they actually are clean and that people don't get sick and they don't get health code violations. Which squares with what every fast food restaurant employee I've ever met has told me - they might not like working at McDonalds, but they will aggressively tell you that they absolutely strictly follow food safety standards to an annoying degree. Compare this to Billy's Burger Joint, run by Billy, an overworked independent restaurant owner, keeping his dream alive with sheer grit, sleep deprivation, and child labor. Without corporate overlords demanding by-the-book compliance, and under the pressure of serving customers quickly and staying in the black, Billy is much more likely to fudge things like not staying on top of the ice machine cleaning schedule or serving burger patties that are a day or two past their marked expiration date.

I'm not saying I like these fast food chains, or that you should eat at them. Personally, McDonalds gives me a headache whenever I eat it. And they're and evil corporation. But if your reason for not eating there is because you fear fecal bacteria in your food, you should probably go live in a clean room, not just avoid McDs.