189
You are NOT a failure (lemmy.world)
submitted 10 months ago by to c/hopeposting@lemmy.world
15 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Alt text:

Dudes be like " for my age I am a failure "

MY BROTHER IN CHRIST YOU are alive and that is good enough. Your goals do not define you. You are more than that. You are loved.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] 6 points 10 months ago (5 children)

So I'm not in a good place mentally right now and genuinely believe my life has no inherent value: i.e. if I'm not being useful to someone or supporting someone else or doing something worthwhile then I'm a waste of resources both material and emotional.

How can I change that perspective? Nothing I've watched or read has changed my mind about this yet but it remains open for someone or something to do so and I remain hopeful and patient that something will but that'll run out at some point.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • hideshow 5 child comments
    •
  • [–] 10 points 10 months ago (2 children)

    This is a deep question that you likely won't find the answer to on the internet. You should talk to therapist and get this stuff out. Realizing it is the first step though.

    if I’m not being useful to someone or supporting someone else or doing something worthwhile then I’m a waste of resources

    Get that shit out of your head right now. You didn't ask to be here and you don't owe anyone shit. You are going to die someday and nothing will matter other than if you did what made you happy.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] 7 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    I've got first session booked for next week, I'm just trying to hang on until then.

    Yeah I know that sentiment is utilitarian bullshit, but I genuinely can't shift it out of my head because it's the only way I've found any positivity in my life: solving a problem at work, being a listening ear to friends for their problems or just showing up to their events so they feel appreciated, or the odd bit of volunteer work I've done.

    I can't just sit down or go out and do a thing for myself because:

    1. I don't know what I like doing, it just feels like random guess work, I start doing a thing, get really into it, then the spark just fades after a month or two and I don't want to do it again.

    2. It feels futile to go and do these things because I won't spend enough time to get good at it before I give up.

    3. I feel I could be doing something more productive with that time but I'm too lazy to do that either so I just default to the easiest way to skip time, usually watching something, then feel guilty for wasting that time not being productive or happy, then remembering I don't know how to make myself actually happy just performatively happy, go numb, and just try to sleep it off until the next obligation which is usually work.

    Sorry if this is too much for this community, let me know and I'll delete and unfollow this community.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
    •
  • [–] 8 points 10 months ago*

    I don't think it's too much for this community. I think you are being too hard on yourself. You do something until you are bored with it and you consider that a character flaw? Brother, that's just life. You may not be the best at something, but if you enjoy doing it, then who cares? I make music, and it's not topping the charts. However, I do it because my inspiration wasn't to make music for everyone, it was to make it for someone.

    Number 3 is called a feedback loop. It's like drinking. It's the solution to the problem, but it causes the problem. Forgive yourself and move forward. Change is a direction, not a destination. Perfect is the enemy of good, and maybe good enough is going for a walk before watching something. Small steps. Breath.

    You are no different than the happy people you see. You'll find what works. Everything, even the ground you stand on, is temporary.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • [–] 6 points 10 months ago

    I don't know how you can change your perspective, but every life has inherent value. If something happened to you, it would really fuck up someone's day. If you have friends or family, it would fuck up several days for them. Even if you don't have friends or family, whoever finds you and/ or deals with it would definitely not enjoy the experience. So simply by staying alive and healthy you are improving the life of multiple people.

    Also, you're probably having a more positive impact than you realize. If you help an old lady get her walker over a curb, that's a huge deal to her, you might not even register it. Same thing if you hold the door open for someone carrying something, or any other little thing. It doesn't even have to be an actual act of helping. If you buy groceries without being an asshole to the clerk, you are improving their day by reducing their amount of assholes per customer.

    I don't go around thinking about my inherent worth, but whenever I'm feeling down I try to do something nice and savor how I improved someone's day. If it's in person, I look for their smile. If it's online, I imagine it. After I submit this comment, I'm giving myself a little pat on the back. I don't know if it helped, but I tried, and that's what matters.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

    Most of my friends killed themselves. I also thought that I was a waste of space. I went into debt to move across the country and figured if i couldn't put anything together, I'd off myself more quietly away from family.

    Then I got a boss that actually valued my outside opinion. I got internal promotion and leveraged that job into a couple of strategic lateral movements. Now people lookup to me. It's weird. Recently I got a public honorable mention from Google. All this is cause I'm an asshole who refused to let the world near where I grew up, dictate what I should and shouldn't do.

    Did I solve the fact that I tied my value to my contributions to society? No. But it turns out society is much bigger than the place I started and other cultures and societies think im useful. I still don't fit in and it's still lonely af. (I wish my friends were here so bad).

    All that to say，they may not value you today but that reflects more about them than you. Today, I find great solace in reading books and learning ideas from people born hundreds or even thousands of years before I was born.

    Don't give up. You may be helping a future version of someone like me or like yourself.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent