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Dudes be like " for my age I am a failure "
MY BROTHER IN CHRIST YOU are alive and that is good enough. Your goals do not define you. You are more than that. You are loved.
I've got first session booked for next week, I'm just trying to hang on until then.
Yeah I know that sentiment is utilitarian bullshit, but I genuinely can't shift it out of my head because it's the only way I've found any positivity in my life: solving a problem at work, being a listening ear to friends for their problems or just showing up to their events so they feel appreciated, or the odd bit of volunteer work I've done.
I can't just sit down or go out and do a thing for myself because:
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I don't know what I like doing, it just feels like random guess work, I start doing a thing, get really into it, then the spark just fades after a month or two and I don't want to do it again.
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It feels futile to go and do these things because I won't spend enough time to get good at it before I give up.
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I feel I could be doing something more productive with that time but I'm too lazy to do that either so I just default to the easiest way to skip time, usually watching something, then feel guilty for wasting that time not being productive or happy, then remembering I don't know how to make myself actually happy just performatively happy, go numb, and just try to sleep it off until the next obligation which is usually work.
Sorry if this is too much for this community, let me know and I'll delete and unfollow this community.