Yeah but if I have gloves and have to pick a firm brick of heroin poop, I can toss the gloves wash my hands and be done with it.

I'm not gonna deal with splashy diarrhea that randomly calls the death squads because you're a scary commie, like the last few kernels in a pot of popcorn when you're too eager to transfer it to a bowl, but with death squads and poop. No amount of shower will make me feel clean.