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Trans+ members dreading seeing family this Xmas... WomensStuff is with you all the way (reddthat.com)
submitted 10 months ago by to c/womensstuff@piefed.blahaj.zone
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Edit: If you're missing family support check out our twin community !dadforaminute@lemmy.world they're really inclusive and they'll step in

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[–] 36 points 10 months ago (14 children)

My mother told me last night that she’ll never give me she/her, as “she knew what she gave birth to,” and that I should consider myself fortunate that she’s trying to use they/them on me.

My pronouns aren’t they/them; my pronouns are she/her.

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  • [–] 22 points 10 months ago (7 children)

    https://reductress.com/post/they-them-pronouns-suddenly-easy-for-person-misgendering-trans-woman/

    I'm so sorry. I genuinely don't understand why people see they/them as a compromise. It's just misgendering.

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  • [–] 9 points 10 months ago (6 children)

    It's gender-nonspecific.

    While I agree that using it while knowing the chosen pronouns of someone is a dick move, “they/them” is what you use when you don't know.

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  • [–] 8 points 10 months ago* (4 children)

    Yes, that's true. There are situations where it can be a sign of respect, I agree.

    However, as a binary trans woman, it'll never be that simple for me. If I get they/themmed by a stranger who doesn't know, I spend the entire day worrying about what I did wrong in my presentation to not be simply referred to as "she" that time.

    This isn't anyone's fault. No one's a mind-reader. And overall I think this practice is good, though not without some minor criticisms that probably aren't worth mentioning since it would take an essay to unpack.

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  • [–] 2 points 10 months ago (3 children)

    For me it means “not clearly someone who gets offended when I don't use their assigned-at-birth pronouns”.

    I use it by default for anyone reading in any way leftist or alternative or queer or in any other way cool.

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  • [–] 1 point 10 months ago (2 children)

    I'm not cool then lol.

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  • [–] 1 point 10 months ago

    I get gendered more when I wear a they/them pronoun lanyard, but had to add a she/they pin so people would stop apologizing for she's.

    There's no good answer that's going to work for everyone, I just wish the world was kinder about speaking up for ourselves.

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  • [–] [S] 16 points 10 months ago (2 children)

    That's rough mate, she's your mum and you need her to be supportive. Christmas is symbolic and she's not even going to try at Christmas. You're her daughter and you deserve to have her support. You don't need to be grateful to someone who is misgendering you, and her thought processes are totally wrong.

    Have you checked out !dadforaminute@lemmy.world they're substitute family for people that don't have the one that they need. They're really inclusive

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  • [–] 11 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    I mean, I’m also forty years old and getting by with the help of my wife, so I think at the end of the day my mom is a nice bonus to mood and happiness, but not strictly necessary. I’m trying to keep up good relations, but what she said last night fucking hurt.

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