Not all of that, but a whole lot of it is from being raised in... the American version of a Christian household.

These are the kind of parents who will spy on their kids, catch them masturbating, and then punish them harshly, tie it directly into their moral/spiritual validity as a person.

Puritanism is very much still alive and well.

It produces uptight, broken, neurotic people with those control and anxiety issues you mentioned.

That's valid but also kind of sad. I've dated ace before so I get that some people just aren't wired for certain things. I but feel a little bad for people who can't even have nonsexual contact free of shame, but maybe there's a perspective I'm lacking. Just feels like shame should have no place in a relationship even if physical touch isn't present either.