Never really have. Around 8 or 9, I stopped wanting to get any older and since then I've always felt like I was pretending to be my age rather than being it.

I understand that a lot of other adults are also pretending, but I've all but ceased to be able to keep up the charade.

For example, I own a house, and even managed to look after things for a while, but that was a struggle and there's no way current me is up to any of that.

I envy others' strength and ability.