Hi,

full disclosure, am cis middle aged man. IE another internet dad. maybe we should all get in contact and have a Kiara dad's BBQ before it get's cold.

However I did spend quite a lot of my life feeling isolated, sh, and suicidal. So while I cannot relate to your transness, I do feel most of what you said.

the whole "it get's better" is BS, it only get's better if you manage to change, even a bit. every bit counts. Friends wise, I am sure every person who will reply here is open for you to chat whenever you please (DM's open, but I am assuming you would much rather chat with a peer your age). I know "offering advice" to people in trouble is some neurotypical sin but that is BS as well and you explicitly asked for advice.

something that really helps is to find IRL communities. I do not mean go to school, or church (unless that is your thing), try to find communities that do things you want to do with what you like. and meeting in person does make a huge difference.

Have an interest in something specific? look for local groups that do that. The current state of affairs is putting you down (i mean, look around), check out local civil rights groups, grassroots political parties (joining a local socialist group has really helped me), clubs. Want to do a specific sport even though you are terrible at it, join a club, they love newcomers.

Also, keep in mind first meeting will be awkward, second as well, third maybe. just keep going until you skip the "new girl" faze. (but also keep an eye to red flags, maybe they are the ones who suck).