If they can't get off from PIV and want a vibration to get over the edge, that shouldn't affect your feelings about adequacy. Unless you can vibrate your dick at 500rpm, it's not you.

It’s way more about anatomy than inadequacy. Many women can’t orgasm from PIV sex.

Personally, I am always delighted when someone I’ve just had sex with wants to orgasm in my presence. Never once hurt my feelings.

Meh if we've been drinking and it's a first encounter, I am pretty sympathetic to the idea that we might not be in the right context to go through the seventeen step incantation to have everyone cum acoustically. It's like onboarding a new employee - you have them make a token MR first and even that's a push for literally day one. Maybe if it's the third or fourth date and they are still just "ok clock is ticking I'm going to break out the big guns," I might take exception, but first sex is always a bit of an ice breaker. Being like "ok stop, I need you to hit it from behind while pinching my nipple and reciting Chaucer for 25 minutes" is... fucking hot, but not necessarily first date material.

they were dismissive of my feelings

At least that’s a way to filter out bad people from your life

This is a tough one without further context. Were you making diligent efforts to reciprocate pleasure and they gave even though you felt you were making inroads? Did you make it clear that you wanted to get them off without the vibrator and they were open to that but it wasn't working?

I think the way you felt is fair. I think attentive partners want to reciprocate pleasure and ideally do it with just their presence if the situation allows. I wonder how they would have responded if you said you wanted to try without it or if they felt there would be deeper meaning (rather than pure hedonism) to not using the vibrator.

Please tell me you were joking. If she brought out the toy you weren't good enough. She might be a bit difficult to get off, but taking it personally? Unless she kicked you to the curb, go back in and try some more!