But the wishing in itself should not be condemned.

No. It very much should be.

A good mindset is "How can I pleasure my partner more". A bad mindset, and what you are describing, is "Why won't my partner orgasm the way I want to".

The former is... a partnership. It is knowing what does and doesn't work and communicating and adjusting.

The latter is getting angry that someone... is a someone. You know what you want to do and they don't want to do it so that makes you angry. And that is really shitty.

Don't get me wrong. Everyone has intrusive thoughts. The key is to realize "huh. That is really shitty. Let's work towards not having those thoughts and never fucking tell anyone about them".