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If you found someone attractive, would you date them if you found out they were trans? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 year ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
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Why or why not?

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[–] 3 points 1 year ago (5 children)

If I found out someone was cis whom I'd otherwise consider dating, it would probably be difficult to maintain interest.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    ah, interesting - what makes cis people less interesting to you?

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago

    To answer it seriously, for me, it's not specifically cis, but more broadly, queer. I need someone who has faced the assumptions that society forces on them and knows how to exist in the world anyway, having faced those assumptions, questioned them and found their own relationship with themselves.

    tl;dr I need people who have had to question who they are and find themselves, rather than someone who has never had to answer those questions.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago (2 children)

    I mostly meant it as a joke. I don't date or have sex, so its not something I'd seriously consider.

    But I also suspect I'd have a hard time jiving with someone who strongly identifies with their AGAB. Personally, I sorta feel like gender is BS and cis people caring about it is weird. If they only tepidly identify with it, that's fine. In a non-transphobic world, I'd hold trans people to the same standard, but since transphobia is prevalent, trans pride ought to exist as a counter force and trans people at least inherently challenge some of the worst aspects of gender as conceptualized by transphobes.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    hm, I think most cis people don't think much about their gender ... I guess there is a certain segment of for example "girly girls" who are very into their gender ... I guess that can get annoying in a way (mostly the strong reification of a binary way of looking at a more complex natural phenomenon)

    that said, I do like being a woman, and I have attachments to feminity I would be upset to lose in a normatively gender abolitionist world ... I tend to think gender is not just BS even if there are arbitrary elements, and I increasingly believe my gender identity ties into my biology in ways that make my gender not a choice but an immutable part of who I am

    regardless, I would think a major reason to not date cis people is that they don't understand our experiences - it's interesting that didn't come up for you, but maybe that's because you don't date or have sex 😄

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago

    I think most cis people don’t think much about their gender

    Of the 5 guys I'm closest to, I think three do seem to clearly value their masculinity. They express it in different ways and I don't think they conceptualize it the same way trans people do and some of them probably don't realize they do care about it.

    I tend to think gender is not just BS even if there are arbitrary elements, and I increasingly believe my gender identity ties into my biology in ways that make my gender not a choice but an immutable part of who I am

    I don't disagree. My choice of "feel like" was intend to differentiate it from my beliefs and to avoid implying I was saying other ought to feel/think the same. I largely believe my negative feelings towards gender are likely a result of the gendered expectations pushed onto me because of my AGAB. At the very least, I do believe we need to abolish the prescriptive nature of gender.

    regardless, I would think a major reason to not date cis people is that they don’t understand our experiences - it’s interesting that didn’t come up for you, but maybe that’s because you don’t date or have sex

    That's pretty much what I meant by saying I wouldn't jive with them. I don't think they need to be trans to understand though, but I don't feel like those who strongly feel their AGAB could relate.

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